Not Broken Just Bent
by SinkingShips11
Summary: At the Hollywood Arts party of the year Cat Valentine is raped. Tori Vega is the one who must now figure out a way to put the pieces back together without losing herself along the way. This is a story about overcoming tragedy and how two best friends find each other, and themselves. **WARNING: STORY INCLUDES GRAPHIC PORTRAYAL OF SEXUAL ASSAULT, PLEASE READ WITH CAUTION**
1. Chapter 1

**Hello Everyone! This is the first story I've ever written, so please be gentle. I would love to make my writing better so constructive criticism would be very appreciated. There are some serious themes going on in this story so please do not read if you aren't ready for it. It's rated M for a reason people! My story deals with graphic rape, future lemons, and an eventual relationship with two girls. Oops, spoiler alert! So if you don't like you don't have to read. I hope you enjoy it!**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Victorious, despite my very strongly worded letter to Santa this year. **

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Tori POV

Tori!

I snapped out of my daydream and took in the scene around me.

Red solo cups filled to the brim with alcohol that smelled like gasoline burned my nostrils every time I took a breath. Whatever it was was spilling out of cups everywhere, on to unsuspecting people's hair, into laps, and on girls' dresses which barely seemed to cover anything. Several couples who could not find a room were hooking up on the couch, on the stairs, in the kitchen, everywhere I went I couldn't seem to escape them. Most of them were sloppy drunk and gross. The music was way too loud, I couldn't even hear myself think. It was the biggest party of the year, of course Andre would be the one throw it. Right now his parents were away with mine, Cat's, Beck's and half of the other kids here on some Hollywood Arts parent program thing. They had one every year, yet I could never seem to remember the name. But the more important unspoken tradition was that a student threw a huge rager while all of the parents were gone.

Right now I was trying my best to block out some drunk's guy attempt to hit on me and searched for my friends. Robbie was doing a keg stand in the other room, and I did not want to see the sight of that. Despite what he says he's never been drunk before, and I know he's going to be throwing up all night. I do not want to be involved in that. No thank you. I haven't seen Andre all night, he's probably running around the house trying to make sure nothing gets broken by the 190 people jammed into his house. But I'm proud of him, this party will definitely go down in Hollywood Arts history. It's just too bad I'm not having any fun. Beck is probably hooking up with Jade in some bedroom and I do not need that mental image in my head. Gross. Looking around I realized I haven't seen Cat all night either, but knowing her she would be innocent to all the chaos raging around her and just have fun. Maybe I'll get up and forget the party with her…

"Earth to Tori!"

Oh right. Eric what's his name was still taking to me.

"Thought I lost you there for a second." Smiling at me cockily he asked, "So… do you want to go upstairs for a bit?"

Without waiting for me to say anything he slurred, "Or we can just start here."

Eric leaned in towards my neck and before he could get any closer I was pushing him off me.

"Get away from me you creep!" I yelled at him.

"Don't be such a fucking tease!" He yelled back.

And with that I was so over this party. I did not need sleazy guys like that trying to get into my pants all night. Getting drunk is not my thing, and knowing my friends I would be the only responsible one and have to take care of everyone. Speaking of which, remind me not to let Andre guilt me into helping him clean up in the morning.

Just them some barreled chest jock bumped into me and spilled his drink all over the front of my shirt. He was completely smashed. Giggling like a school girl he quickly apologized and left hiccupping.

That's it. I'm going home.

Shooting Andre a quick text to let him know I was leaving, I marched to my car outside, grumbling the whole way about how I'm never going to get this stain out.

"This can't get any worse," I thought to myself.

As if on cue it started to downpour.

"Real funny big guy, real funny."

Through the rain I sprinted in to my car noting how ridiculous I looked hefting my purse to cover my hair. I dove into the car, getting the interior soaked in just seconds. Taking a look around me I sighed and started to head home.

The road was completely deserted, and checking the clock I gasped. It was 3:30 in the morning already.

Great, I thought to myself, just great.

Just then I saw a small female figure walking aimlessly down the side of the road. The person was soaked to the bone and I could just barely make out the fire trunk red hair from my head lights.

Slamming the breaks I yelled,"Cat?!" at the top of my lungs.

I could barely hear myself over the downpour and she didn't seem to even notice my outcry.

"Oh, Cat's gonna owe me big time." I thought to myself as I jumped out of the car. My feet touched the ground just as her own gave out from underneath her.

"Cat!" I desperately yelled.

Running towards her I realized something was wrong. Something was terribly wrong. As I reached her I stopped dead in my tracks and my hands flew over my mouth.

Her mascara was running down her face from her now shut eyes, trailing over a bruise just starting to form under her left eye. Her face was ghost white, and her tiny body seemed even smaller than normal. Her shirt was in tatters with a scary blood stain on her rights side and small cuts trailed along both of her arms. She was sobbing so hard that she was shaking violently, and when she opened to look at me her eyes were red and bloodshot.

I bent down and hugged the trembling girl tightly.

"Hey shh Cat, it's gonna be okay."

I held her close and rubbed small circles on her back until the shaking finally subsided. Leaning back and staring into her eyes I wiped away a tear.

"C'mon. let's get you to the hospital."

"No!" She desperately yelled. "No. Please not the hospital. Just take me home."

"Cat I'm not going to just leave you like this!"

"Please Tori please," she begged. Tears trickled out of the corners of her eyes and her bottom lip quivered slightly. The once innocent and happy Cat I called my best friend was gone. Someone, something, extremely broken and fragile had taken her place. And I'm not sure if I can fix her, if I could hope to get her back. But I had to try. But would the hospital be better for her, even if she didn't want to go? She was obviously very hurt and the hospital could patch her up much better than I could. Then again, she was already traumatized and going against her wishes might make things worse. And maybe the physical wounds could wait; I think more than anything else she might needs a friend tonight.

As I was struggling with my internal battle Cat's tears began to fall faster and thicker. That's when my heart completely shattered and I tried my best to compromise.

"Okay fine, no hospital." She looked up at me and the bottom lip started to become still, giving me some hope that we would make it through tonight. And yes, it would be we. There was no way I wasn't going to abandoning my best friend when she was at her lowest.

"But you are not going home."

My petite friend looked up at me questioningly.

"You're sleeping over my house."

Her eyebrows drew together and before she could open her mouth to protest I quickly cut her off.

"And it's not up for debate. C'mon, lets head to the car."

She nodded in defeat and gingerly I helped her up. Together we slowly hobbled towards the car. Once inside Cat curled up into a small ball on the passenger seat, and quickly fell asleep from pure exhaustion. I drove home as quietly as possible, Cat needed all the rest she could get. Once we pulled up to the drive way I gently woke her up.

"We're here Little Red."

I helped her into the house and up the stairs into my room. Under normal circumstances her being in my room would have reminded me of the million stupid things we always did at our sleepovers. Cat is my best friend, and is one of the only people I can let loose and be myself around. She understands me, and I just wish I can understand what happened to her.

At that point I think the shock started to settle in on Cat. She wasn't moving and her dead eyes stared straight ahead.

Her voice was a whisper when she said, "Tori it just hurts so much."

I didn't think it was possible but my heart broke again at the hitch in her voice. What happened to her? Who did this? I was going to kill them! But I had to calm down. I had to take care of her.

I pulled out a pair of my warmest pjs and put them next to the petite girl.

She continued to state straight ahead. Knowing she wasn't going to do it herself I quietly got to work. I gently removed her shirt and gasped at what I saw.

There were bruises in the shape on fingerprints on her chest, and even on her throat and around her breasts. I felt my stomach drop. I tore my eyes away from the bruises and looked down at her stomach. It took everything I had not to scream when I saw the deep gash on her side. God I hate blood. I felt like fainting, but I had to be strong, for Cat.

Swallowing my disgust I told Cat I had to leave for a second.

But I'll be right back okay? Don't move.

She barely acknowledged my existence.

I ran out the door grabbing bandages and medicine and quickly wrapped up her wounds the best I knew how. Thank you girl scouts. I pulled my warm pj button down top over her head. I was extremely hesitant about removing her pants but Cat was still unresponsive. As gently as I could I sled down her ripped jeans.

I tried not to throw up. Her underwear was soaked with blood which ran down her legs. Fearing the worst I pushed a terrible thought out of my head. No way would anyone do that to my energetic and sweet friend. It's not possible. Not my Kitty Kat. But the signs were all right in front of me. There were more cuts and brushing on her upper inner thighs. Shaking I cleaned her up and pulled the flannel pj pants on her. Sitting down next to her on the bed I looked tried to look her in the eyes, which stayed fixated on the limp hands in her lap.

"Cat, I know you're hurt and tired and don't want to answer any questions right now. I'll only ask you one thing and then we can go to sleep, okay?"

She only gave a slight nod, but it was all I needed.

Fearing the worst I took a deep breath and asked, "Cat… did someone rape you?"

She nodded again and burst out into tears again.

Pulling her into another tight embrace I tried not to show my anger. Whoever did this to Cat was going to pay. That's a promise. I pulled her down onto the bed with me and she curled up against me, her head resting in the crook of my neck which had become wet from her tears. But I didn't even notice. Instead, I hummed softly and stroked her scarlet hair until she fell asleep.

"Tomorrow. Tomorrow I'll get answers," I promised myself as I drifted off to sleep too.

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**So. We meet again. What did you think? Did I dazzle you? Or was it complete crap? Well I'm never gonna know unless you write a review! If you do you are a wonderful human being. If I could I would give you a big smackeroo right through the screen. Just Kidding. But kinda not. So send some love my way and tell me what you think and I'll take everything you say into consideration. Well alrighty then. Glad we had this heart to heart. Until next time :)**


	2. Chapter 2

**Hello again, hopefully I didn't take too long to put out a new chapter! I apologize in advance for any spelling/ grammatical errors I've missed. I'm really excited to hear what you guys think! And how will I be able to do that, you ask? Why, by you leaving a review, of course! So do it. Now. Hope I'm not being too pushy. But still do it. Hehe enjoy! **

**Disclaimer I have not, do not, and will not own Victorious. And hey, maybe it's better this way. Poor Cat *sigh***

**A special shout out to waitwhathuh for being my first review ever! Thank you, it means so much!**

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Cat POV

Slowly and drowsily I began to open my eyes and snuggled closer into the warm, soft body next to me. Wait, why I am in bed with someone? Is that Tori? No, if it's Tori I must be dreaming.

Then the memories from last night hit me so hard I almost stopped breathing.

The party.

Him.

The blood.

And her. Coming to save me.

And her. Wrapping me up in her arms.

And her. Making me feel safe.

I screwed my eyes shut, trying to block out the memories. Despite the protective arms wrapped around me I felt like bursting out in tears, crying until there was nothing left in me. My side ached and my face had begun to swell. I felt a cold tear run its course down the side of my face. No Cat. No crying. I did enough of that last night. Taking a slow, deep breath I pushed all my emotions down and did the thing I always to do best: worry.

What am I going to do about Tori? I know I owed her the truth, but if just thinking about that, that thing makes me want to cry how will I ever be able to talk about it? About what happened? Besides, I do not want to be a walking tragedy for the rest of my life. I already have enough problems to begin with.

I have countless faults. For starters, I'm too easily trusting, and the childish innocence has got to go. I can't act like I'm eight forever. It's time to grow up. I see that know. That guy, that monster made me see them all last night. And most importantly I have to get over my weird and confusing feeling for a certain half Latina lying next to me. I know now it will never happen. No one can ever love me. If I told her she would just laugh at me anyways. No, I'd better keep it to myself.

Next to me Tori started to shift, pulling me even closer to her. I could have sworen I heard her murmur "Cat."

But no, that couldn't be right. My feelings were really complicating things. Why did Tori have to be the one to find me?

Before I could continue my thought process Tori began to wake up.

Slowly blinking her eyes open she stared at me, but didn't loosen her grip.

Not that I didn't mind. Cat!

"Hey," She said quietly.

"Hi," I repeated back. I felt severely self-conscious. How big was the bruise on my face? Would she pity me? Or tell me that she didn't want to get involved and force me to leave? I was almost hoping for that. It would make things so much easier.

Her voice yanked me from my inner turmoil.

"Are you okay?"

No.

"I'm fine."

Sitting up she sighed.

Dreading this moment I braced myself as she began her monologue.

"Cat, you were in really bad shape last night. I tried the best I could but I'm no doctor. Are you sure you don't want to go to the hospit-"

"No hospital." I was certain about that. There would no need to involve anyone else in this. Though, I was surprised that Tori seemed to still care. She had already done enough why sick around any longer?

"Okay fine. But you have to talk to me. Please I need something. I care so much about you. You're my best friend," she said tapping my nose. I caved a little and giggled. Damn did that girl know my weakness.

But I still didn't want to make it a big deal. All I wanted was just to forget it ever happened.

"Tori... It's long. And it's hard to talk about. Can we just forget it?"

"Just forget it Cat? What that monster did to you? We tell each other everything and I know you are a virgin."

Was a Virgin, I corrected, well until he…

I quickly pushed the thought down. Biting my lip I looked away so she wouldn't catch my moment of weakness. I can't show any weakness.

But she saw right through me. "This guy can't just get away with this! All I want to do is kill him and you want to just bury it? You have to fight. You need to fight. I know you're strong enough."

"Tori it's not worth it. Why bother?"

"Because you're worth it."

I don't think I was ever more stunned in my life. We sat for a moment, staring at each other. The silence wasn't awkward, but it was heavy. I don't know what I was searching for or what she was searching for but we I think we both found it. And for right now it was enough.

After a moment she cleared her throat, breaking me from my daze.

"So," she started, "breakfast?"

After everything that happened last night all I wanted was some normalcy. Leave it up to Tori to be able to read my mind.

Perking up I declared, "Deal, but only if I get to make chocolate chip pancakes!" Without waiting for a response I ran down the hallway to her all too familiar kitchen.

Half an hour later we sat down to feast. In our attempt to make breakfast we had nearly destroyed the kitchen. Everyone knows that Tori is a horrible cook, and I'm not much better. I have no idea how I somehow managed to get flour in my ear, hair, and down my shirt all in one shot. In that instance I had pouted, but all it was make Tori just laugh and laugh, and that sound made it completely and utterly worth it. Now I gazed across the table at her, basking in our comfortable silence. The pancakes quickly caught my eye, and I began to dig in. Sugar in the morning made me super hyper but Tori didn't have to know that...

"Cat don't eat too many pancakes, you know how you get when you have too many."

Oh. Guess she already knew. But why did that surprise me?

Sulking I puffed out my cheeks and breathed out a hefty "Fine."

She rolled her eyes but then her expression became serious. I could see her watching me out of the corners of her eyes.

"What?" I inquired.

She gave a start and hesitated, before smiling, "Cat you have chocolate all over your face."

Well. That's embarrassing.

But I didn't miss the hesitation there. Wiping the chocolate from the corners of my mouth I tried again. "What was the real reason you were staring at me?"

She looked at me thoughtfully and I could see she was choosing her words carefully.

"Cat, after last night, I mean, it was just so recent and you seem... Fine. Like scary, unhealthy fine. You can't just pretend it never happened. Pushing your feelings down and trying to forget about it isn't going to help. It's just, I'm worried about you Cat. What you went through is life changing and you just brushed it off. I've seen you get more upset about a dropped ice cream cone. I get it's hard to talk about, but talking might help. You know I'm always here for you right?"

I nodded my head silently, but there was no way I was going to talk about it. Because then it would become real, and all those things he said, and when he put his…

"NO!"

I had my fists curled into balls against the side of my head and my eyes were squeezed shut, my body bending down towards the table. I felt a tear drop down towards my lap. Silence stretched on for a second, but then I felt soft hands tugging my own down from my temples.

Oh. Did I say that out loud?

Playing with my thumbs Tori whispered, "Cat look at me."

I cautiously opened my eyes and was instantly calmed by her presence. The flashbacks were replaced by this beautiful angel kneeling next to me, whose brow was pull up in worry. I let my gazed fall down to our intertwined hands. Her caramel complexion contrasted against my own pale skin, but it seemed as though my hand would be incomplete without her own in it. I took a deep breath and dragged my eyes away from our hands and back up to her chocolate brown eyes.

"Cat you know I'll always be by your side. No matter what. You have to understand that you can't just bottle this up. I'm scared that if you try I'll lose you." Squeezing my hand tighter, she continued, "You are the most courageous person I know."

"No, I'm not."

And I meant it. How could I be? I'm scared, angry, hurt, and I couldn't fight him off last night. I'm weak.

Looking down at my lap I chocked out, "I'm not strong."

"But that's the thing Cat. Courage isn't about having the strength to go on, it is about going on when you don't have strength."

I wiped yet another tear that had trickled out. I have to stop crying!

"Okay," letting out a deliberate breath I repeated, "Okay." I'll do this. I'll keep going, just to spite him. I'll try the best I can, and I won't let him win. We won't let him win. I can do this, as long as Tori is by my side. I hugged the crouching girl tightly and didn't let go.

"Thank you," I whispered. I may haven been bent, but I'm sure as hell I wasn't broken.

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**Hello again. So tell me what you think! I will hopefully be putting out another chapter relatively soon; I have a much better idea of where I want to take the story. Don't worry, I will go more in detail about what happened to Cat and what might happen with Tori. So please leave a review! Tell me what you liked, hated, kinda iffy about, etc etc. I really appreciate everything you say and I will take everything into consideration. Thank you for reading! **


	3. Chapter 3

**I know I know I'm sorry I took forever and a day to upload! It not much of an excuse but I was drowning in homework and finals and exams. Thankfully its all over now so you can put away the pitch forks and torches. Seriously. Or should I just run away now?**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Victorious. And I don't want to talk about it, okay?**

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Tori POV

The day passed lazily, we spent most of our time watching movies and talking about everyday things, you could say it was just an average Saturday for Cat and I.

I let her pick the movies and naturally she gravitated towards the Disney princess classics. We watched Beauty and the Beast, Ariel, Cinderella, and the more recent movie Tangled. During every movie she was transfixed, quietly mouthing every lyric to every song and when the movie came to a close she was giddy with childish excitement. It was just so... Cat.

When 10 o'clock rolled around she looked at me uncertainly.

"Tori, can I stay over again?"

"Of course you can Kitty-Cat. But one condition, no more Disney movies."

And I meant it. I love the Disney classics but a girl can only stand so many movies when a character has the name charming. Seriously. Who in their right mind would name their child charming? It's not even a real name!

Cat waved her hands in front of my eyes to break me from my inner rant. Ugh. I did that way too often.

Giggling at me she squealed and pulled me into a quick, energetic hug.

"Thank you, thank you, thank you!"

Now it was my turn to chuckle at the red haired beauty. "You're welcome."

We settled down on my couch to watch yet another movie. Despite her happy and content behavior today I did notice some slight differences in her.

Today she had to dress her wounds several times because she couldn't get it just right. Despite me constantly offering to do it for her or even just help a little she refused every time. Putting the bandage on was extremely frustrating for her, after her third unsuccessful attempt she slammed her hands on the kitchen counter and growled in exasperation.

Even after that outburst she still refused my help and it wasn't until the sixth attempt did she finally put it on right.

It was even more frustrating for me to watch her struggle because no matter how many times I tried to help her she constantly disregarded it. I hated just leaning up against the counter watching her, unable to fix her problem simply because she wouldn't let me. And that frightened me and it made me question Cat's promise to me. Was she really going to let me help her? How was she supposed to let me in of she wouldn't even let me fix her bandage? The thought nagged at me for the rest of the day.

She also acted strangely when we first started to watch the movies. Cat had sat rigidly on the couch as far away from me as possible. I had been confused, every other time Cat came over for a movie night she had curled right up against me. Cat is probably the touchiest person I've ever know, and after the initial shock wore off after I got to know her I came to get used to, and even enjoy her touch. She was always so sweet and genuine in every hug she gave, every hand she lightly laid on my arm, every playful punch on the shoulder.

Those small touches always served to make that smile seem a bit brighter, the jokes a bit funnier, and the advice a bit stronger. After spending so much time with her I began to crave those touches. After having a bad day or a messy break up all I wanted to feel was Cat's arms around me and cry on her shoulder because I knew she cared. That was one of the reasons I was so drawn to her when I first came to Hollywood Arts. In a city known for being fake she was sincere, and that made her stand out.

The fire truck red hair also helped.

I had become so used to her being practically attached to me that I was shocked when she didn't immediately snuggle up against me today.

I had to remind myself that perhaps she wasn't comfortable with close contact after last night and had to once again swallow my rage. There's just another part of Cat that he stole from her.  
Despite it all, as the hours passed she slowly crept towards me. I wanted to reach out, grab her, pull her against me and reassure her that everything will be okay. It took a lot of my will power to push that protective urge away.

"You have to give her time. This has to be a step she takes on her own," I thought to myself.  
But now, finally, she rested her head on my shoulder and laced her arms around mine

.  
Much better. Not even a day has passed and she was already making baby steps. I know the road to recovery will be long and difficult, and she will face countless obstacles, but in this moment she had won a small battle. And I was so proud.

I finally let my focus fall away from her and concentrated on the movie.

She put on Stick it? "I love this movie!" I exclaimed.

Looking up she smiled at me sheepishly and replied, "I know."

My heart gushed. That's another thing I love about Cat. She cares so much about people, always looking after someone else even on a day like today. But, I had to admit that sometimes she did it too much. Though I was touched from that gesture it also made me worry so much that my stomach got tied up in knots. Even after everything she went through she didn't let today be about her. It was mostly just like any other sleepover we've had. We barely even talked about what happened last night and what should happen. Cat is always so concerned with other people's happiness that she forgets her own. That's why I try to counter act that by always putting her first. It's a habit I've only developed recently, because I was too dumb to see how self destructive her behavior was for a long time, and I still kick myself over being so terribly blind. Stupid. But I comfort myself with the fact that at least now I see it. I do all I can to make sure she's happy and I think the rest of our group is beginning to notice.

Thinking of the rest of the group brought forth a frown on my face and a question that had been tugging away at the back of my mind all day.

"Cat," I started, "Do you think you're going to tell people?"  
She peeled her eyes away from the television screen and looked at me confusedly, "What do you mean?"

"Like, I think you should tell your parents what happened to you. And maybe even the rest of the gang. They have been texting me asking where you and I disappeared to last night."  
It was true. I had gotten voicemails text phone calls all day from everyone in the group, including, to my surprise, a very concerned Jade, but I had ignored them to focus all of my attention on Cat. Well except for Jade. I had sent her a quick text saying everything was fine after she threatened to break down my door on the eight text. I knew she meant it and I shuddered at the prospect of facing a infuriated Jade. And besides, I think Cat had enough of traumatizing events by now, I don't think she needed to be haunted by my murder at jade's hands.  
She shifted a little uncomfortably on the couch at my statement.

"I'm not sure. I think I will tell the group what happened eventually, I'm just not ready yet. But we can't tell my parents. If they find out they'll freak and call the police and bring me to the hospital and I just can't do that. Besides, they won't be back from the parenting event for the next few days. Why worry them? This has to be my fight and the bigger this gets the worse it'll get. I'm only willing to let you guys know. But not quite yet."

I understood where she was coming from and I completely empathized with her. I have no idea how I would react if the roles were reversed and she was the one comforting me. However, I had a push her a little bit. What if the things she wanted wasn't what was best for her in the long run? Do I make her happy? Or do what is right? Hopefully she would change her mind and see that the best thing for her wasn't the easy choice.

"I hate to go into hypothetical situations but what if a week from now you decide you do want to go to the police and make a statement? They'll ask you why you didn't say anything sooner."

"Well I'm not going to go to the police. So it won't be an issue."

"You'd rather this guy get away with it?"

"No! Tori you know its not like that. But I don't want to make a statement."

"Then you should at least get a rape kit done. It'll prove you were raped and maybe even who did it. He could go to jail cat don't you want to try that?"

"No. I just want this to go away. I don't want a rape kit, I don't want to make a statement I want to stay here on the couch, with you."

She picked up her head from my shoulder and smiled at me softly. Not being so easily won over, I just shook my head. Tearing my gaze away from her and I stared blankly at the movie for a moment.

"I just don't want you to change your mind and it be too late."

"I won't."

Her words were definite and final. With that statement she settled back on my shoulder and continued to watch the movie.

I sighed in defeat. There was no way I was convincing her tonight. But we were running out of time. I had watched enough re runs of Law and Order SVU to know if she wanted to press charges she had to go soon, like immediately after the rape soon. And she couldn't take a shower otherwise the rape kit wouldn't be admissible in court. But if she didn't take a shower would the wound on her side get infected? She needs to see a doctor! She needs me to let me help her. She needs to let someone help her.

I was beginning to get worked up. Not at Cat but at this whole situation. What was the right thing to do? What if I choose wrong and let the damage grow? Nothing I had ever experienced before even remotely began to prepare me for this! She's my best friend. I love her. And I'm scared that I can't fix this. Or if I try to I'll lose her. But for right now she was holding on to me, we were watching my favorite movie, and for right now that was enough. Those small battles she won today were enough. Holding on to that sole comforting thought against the wave of dread threatening to drown me, I drifted off to sleep.

I woke up two hours later. The tv screen cast an eerie blue hue over my spacious living room. Someone had put a blanket over me and a pillow behind my head.

"Thanks Cat you didn't have to do that," I mumbled sleepily.

Silence.

Mildly concerned I sat up, stretched my arms above my head, and gazed around the room more intently.

"Cat?" My pitch raised an octave as my worry shown through.

"Cat!"

Where did she go?

I flung the blanket off and ran around the house in a panic.

The laundry room was empty and the half bathroom dark. The kitchen was deserted and the back porch dead silent.

"Don't panic," I thought to myself while running up the stairs. "Cat can take care of herself."

As I reached the top of the stairs I cried out in relief. The upper bathroom light was on and I heard the shower running. Oh thank god she's okay. I have never been more relieved in my life and let myself revel in it for a moment.

But then it hit me. The shower was running!

"No Cat!"

I burst into the bathroom and stopped short when I heard sobbing.

"Cat?" I asked tentatively.

No answer. I pulled back the curtain on the shower and saw her curled up in the fetal position on the shower floor. Diluted blood ran freely from her side and mascara dripped off her face.

"I can't get clean," she sobbed. "I can't get him off of me!"

She sobbed harder and I pulled the fluffy purple towel down for its place hanging over the curtain. Gingerly I placed it around her and sat down next to her. I ignored the still running water and fact that I was getting soaked. She was more important.

I took both of her hands in mine. And stared at her for a second, gathering my thoughts before I said anything. Her drenched red hair was practically maroon, a few pieces hung down on her forehead, contrasted against the pale complexion. Water dripped from her eye lashes and from the tip of her of her nose, and she kept trying to blink the mixture of tears and water away. Cat's shoulders shuddered and her breath hitched and I saw how hard she was trying to hold herself together. It gave me the strength to find the right words.

"I don't know exactly what happened to you Cat, but I know that this isn't you. The person who did this to you is a monster. And I would do anything for this to have never have happened to you. Anything. But you know what? It did happen, and nothing I can say or do or promise is ever going to change it, as much as I wish it could. The only way to fight back is to win. You have to win! And giving up is letting him win."

I reached up and wiped away a tear that ran down her cheek, and re grasped her hands before continuing my monologue.

"When something horrific happens to you you essentially have three choices. You can let it define you, you can let it destroy you or you can let it strengthen you.  
I know what kind of person you are Cat, and I know which choice you'll make. I see what you don't, how you're such a kind and beautiful human being inside and out. I see how strong you are."

She chocked out another sob at the word beautiful. Her chocolate brown eyes were like saucers, fixated on me the whole time. They were so mesmerizing, I felt like I could drown in them all day. She was unintentionally squeezing my hands extremely tight, holding on to them like life lines. But there were still tears leaking out of her eyes. I had to do more, be more for her.

"You know Cat, perseverance is a tricky thing. Life can bring on a storm so strong that the wind knocks you to the floor. Just when you think it's over and you stand back up it almost blows you over again, and that is when you have close your eyes, hold on tight, and believe that it will die down. And the calm after the storm will be the most beautiful thing you'll ever encounter. Because you will have gone to hell and made it back. Alive."

She was still crying softly. Her face was a mixture of confusion, pain, and underneath it all just a hint of hope. That small glimmer of hope fueled me. She was worth saving and I was going to do everything I could to stop her downward spiral. I might never get the old Cat back but the new version will be better and all the more strong for everything she's been through.

You will get to that point, but you have to hold out through the tough days to get to the good ones. I can promise you that they will come and I'll be by your side every step of the way. You have to hold. I don't know what I'd do without you.

It was my turn to let a tear drop. I was so emotionally charged, and I desperately needed her to understand what I was trying to say to her. Strangely the tear added to the effect because she wiped it away from my cheek.

"You're not allowed to cry. Because if you lose it, I won't be able to hold it together."

I nodded my head solemnly. By now I was soaked to the bone, my clothes clinging tightly to me. She didn't fare much better, her towel was drenched and effectively useless, I was going to have to grab her a new one.

Standing up I turned off the water. Cat was still sitting in the tube, her brown eyes following every move I made.

"Let me get you some clothes, I'll be right back."

She nodded without a word, strands of her hair still plaster to her face.

I was back in the bathroom within a few minutes toting along a black camisole, red running shorts, and a brand new towel. I myself had changed into a purple t shift and white pj bottoms with blue stars all over it.

Cat was wringing out her hair and I turned the other way so she would have some privacy.

Running a brush through her hair she turned to me and requested, "Can you please help me put the bandage on my side?"

I smiled brighter than I had all day. "Of course I can."

* * *

**Hello again! So this chapter is sort of a filler, I wanted to show how Tori views Cat and develop their characters a little more. Stick with me here people, we're going to get a few more answers in the upcoming chapters. I hope you enjoyed it! But I'm never going to know unless you leave a review. So do it. Now. Well, until next time! **


	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer: I do not own Victorious. You win this round Danny boy, but I'll be back don't you worry...**

Chapter 4

Cat POV

Sunday flew by with a flash. Tori and I went to the park together. We had a picnic under the oak trees, wind rustling the leaves, which smell fresh and crisp to our long winter starved noses. Spring was the in the air and I was loving it. Tori took me out for ice cream, I knew we were best friends for a reason! She let me get the cotton candy flavor with rainbow sprinkles and a cheery. I ate it way too fast, so I was really hyper when we got to the blanket. Tori was really tired, and she just wanted to sleep but she stayed up for me because that's just the kind of person Tori is. After chasing after ladybugs and hummingbird, I eventually calmed down enough to lay peacefully by her, staring up at the shadows that you can only see when looking up at a canopy of leaves, stuck between you and the sun. We laid there for hours. It was the most content I've felt since after what happened at the party. At one point our hands accidentally touch and I gasped and jumped up.

Brow furrowed in concern and confusion Tori had asked me what was wrong but I pretended I had seen the coolest bird and hey, did you know that one time my brother ran after a bird and pretended to be a clown and scared some little kids so… Her nose scrunched up adorably in concentration and nodded her head in agreement as she tired her best to follow my story line. Good. That thought process distracted her and the moment had passed.

Phew. That was scary, I had to keep better control of myself. And for the rest of our time at the park I did. When we got back to the house we tried to get some math homework done, which I hate with a burning passion, but Trina had finally showed up back to the house, much to Tori's surprise and somewhat relief.

"Where did you disappear to?" Tori inquired.

Turned out she had been hanging out with this guy name Rick all week and had a special kind of sleepover with him that Tori wasn't allowed to tell her parents about. Whatever that meant. She would not stop gushing about his abs and though she was being kinda annoying, I welcomed the break, evening ohhing and ahhing at the right times. But after a while I couldn't take it. How could you possible describe someone's hair for a half hour?! Besides, I really had to concentrate on this problem because did I mention that math is hard and that I hate it with a burning passion?

Oh I did? Good.

Thankfully it was Tori's short fuse that saved me.

"Trina can you just be quiet for five minutes? Cat and I are never going to finish this homework if you keep yapping about Dick!"

"His name is Rick!"

"Whatever, that's what his name should be!"

And that lead to a full blown out fight. Screams, punches, and the occasional shoe flew. When it was over, there were hurt egos, pulled hair, and somehow a bent lamp was the repercussion of a particularly nasty part of the argument.

A broken high heel in hand, Tori had looked at me like she had just remembered I was there. She bashfully smiled at me in embarrassment and turned back to Trina.

"Trina, I am not dealing with this right now."

"I have a solution," I interjected.

"Well I can't deal with you right now," replied Trina.

"I have a-," I tried again.

"Are you kidding me right now Trina!"

I saw Tori raise the high heel a little higher, her knuckles whiting, and Trina cross her arms with an angry retort on her lips. I don't understand how Tori's parents could be gone all the time, and trust these two not to kill each other.

"Enough!" I yelled uncharacteristically. Jesus. They were giving me a headache. The Vega sisters turned to look at me in surprise.

"Tori we can sleep over my house tonight."

And that's where we were right now. Sitting back in my room felt strange, I missed the comforting hues of purple and pop band posters that adorned Tori's walls. I'm sure my rainbow and vibrant one in comparison seemed childish and stupid to her with the many stuffed animals and princess themed accessories. I've never felt self-conscious about my room before, but all of a sudden I did. I played with the ring on my finger, a quirky elephant one, while my cheeks started to turn red.

She took a full 180 around my room before looking at me and smiling. "Some things never change. I love your room, its adorable! It suits you."

Not anymore I thought sulkily.

"Thanks!" I replied perkily.

Looking at the posters on my wall pensively, she asked offhandedly, "Cat are you going to be okay going to school tomorrow? Because if not I'll happily stay here with you for another day."

The idea was tempting. Another day of just Tori and I? It sounded perfect actually. And school was going to be so hard tomorrow. I don't know if I could do it. But I had to.

"I really appreciate that but like you said I can't let him win. Besides, we need to finish that math homework!"

Tori smile brightly at the first part of the sentence, but when I said the word math her smile faded and she groaned. "Oh right. Forgot about that."

We finished our homework, and an hour later I turned off the lights, and laid in bed next to Tori.

"Goodnight Tor."

"Goodnight Lil Red."

Smiling at the nickname I fell asleep.

It was dark. I had no idea where I was. When I tried to get up I was stopped short by restraints. What was going on? I was laying down, pinned to the feather soft floor breathe me. Almost too soft. It felt as though I was on a… mattress. Oh. That were I was, on a bed. When I came to this realization a man stepped out of the shadows.

Oh my god. It was him.

"Hello Kitty Cat. Wanna play?"

I let out a blood curling scream and unsuccessfully struggled against the restraints. No no no no not again.

"Come now Cat, you know struggling is no use. You know I always win." With that he took several menacing steps towards me and all I could do was close my eyes and scream as he climbed on top of me.

"Cat wake up!"

It was over, I was safe in Tori's arms. "Shhh Kitty Cat it's going to be okay."

"Don't call me that!" I screamed at her. I felt a wave of regret and sobbed harder when I saw the look on Tori's face. She looked as though I had just slapped her. But she quickly recovered and apologized.

"No Tori I'm sorry. I'm so, so, sorry."

I continued to cry hard. The nightmare was over, but when was this going to end? Every moment I felt worthless and I just wanted to rip my skin off because I felt him all over me. How was I supposed to hide the bruise on my tomorrow at school? If I can't make it through a night without breaking down how can I make it through the day without Tori by my side? Right now her thin arms were the only things holding me together.

"Cat, please calm down. Just breathe with me okay?"

"In. Out. It's as simple as at. Follow my breath. In. Out."

It couldn't be that simple! I can't just breathe this away.

"I just need you to calm down, you're having a panic attack. Breathe with me. In. Out."

This was a panic attack? It was awful, I felt like I was doing to die! But she was right, I needed to calm down. This realization made me calm down slightly. My breathing was still sporadic, but my tears were falling slower.

"In. Out."

Okay. That's something I can do.

"In. Out."

I took a long breath and let it out when she commanded.

"Good Cat just like that. In. Out."

I did it once more and my breathing was almost back to normal.

"In. Out."

That one did the trick, I could breathe normally again. I felt embarrassed over my lack of control, and just stared at Tori's lap.

"Good, that was great." She leaned down so she was in my line of sight. "Do you want to talk about what happened?"

I shook my head no, while circling my arms around legs and tucking them towards my chest. No I didn't want to talk about it, didn't want to think about it for more than a second longer then I had to.

"It might make you feel better." Again I shook my head. I didn't mean to shut Tori out but I just wanted to forget about it and go back to sleep.

She looked at me a little unnerved. "Okay, that's fine, let's go back to sleep."

We laid back down but this time she pulled me into her and rubbed my back soothingly. "Just go to sleep Cat." She started to sing softly to me.

I tried to paint you a picture, the colors were all wrong

Black and white didn't fit you and all along,

You were shaded with patience, your strokes of everything

That I need just to make it, but I can see that...

Lord knows I failed you time and again,

But you and me are alright

We won't say our goodbyes

You know it's better that way

We won't break, we won't die

It's just a moment of change

All we are, all we are is everything that's right

All we need, all we need, a lover's alibi, yeah.

I walked a minute in your shoes –

They never would've fit

I figured there's nothing to lose.

I need to get

Some perspective on these words before I write them down

You're an island and my ship has run aground.

Lord knows I'll fail you time and again,

But you and me are alright

We won't say our goodbyes

You know it's better that way

We won't break, we won't die

It's just a moment of change

All we are, all we are is everything that's right

All we need all we need, a lover's alibi

Every single day that I can breathe,

You change my philosophy

I'm never gonna let you pass me by

So don't say your goodbyes

You know it's better that way

We won't break, we won't die

It's just a moment of change, yeah, ooh, ooh.

So don't say your goodbyes

You know it's better that way

We won't break, we won't die

It's just a moment of change.

All we are, all we are is everything that's right

All we need, all we need, a lover's alibi, yeah, ooh, ooh.

So don't say our goodbyes

You know it's better...

We won't break, we won't die

We won't die this time

Everyone knew Tori had the best voice in school, and her smooth alto tone shone through on this song. It was beautiful, and though I was confused on why she chose that particular song, the lyrics comforted me. When she hummed the last note, I whispered thank you and fell asleep.

When I woke up I felt like death. School wouldn't end for another few months but I needed it to be summer now. Why do you ask? Because getting up at six in the morning sucks.

I stared at Tori for a second. Her hair was everywhere and she was lying on her stomach, hands strewn above her head.

Grinning at her pose I gently shook her awake. "Time to go to school Tori."

"No."

"But we have to…"

"No!"

With that remark she turned around and pulled the covers over her head. Yup. Tori's definitely not a morning person.

I let her sleep in a little, showering and brushing my hair. I woke her up again with a towel covering my body and another drying my hair, tooth brush hanging out of my mouth.

When I pulled the covers off of her she gave her classic Tori death stare. She got up and shuffled towards the bathroom, muttering something about murdering a cat. I was unfazed by this and quickly got dressed into a corral lace dress and nude ballet flats.

The biggest challenge came in the form of hiding my bruise. Thankfully, the costume makeup class I took last year really helped me with the right technique of how to hide things with makeup. I skillfully applied it, grabbed an apple and my school bag and hopped into the car waiting for Tori.

She soon sauntered out, looking fresh and put together, transformed from the zombie she was 10 minutes ago. While she took her seat I thought, "I'll never understand how she does that."

Chuckling to myself, I forgot all about the dread that weighed down my steps last night and headed off to school.

When we walked through the doors it was just like any other day. Break dancers on my right, saxophone players on my left, and the vast hallway brimming with musical and theatrical talent extended in front of me. All of a sudden the dread hit me so hard I stopped in my tracks. "Okay." I took a deep breath. "Okay. I can do this," I thought to myself and quickly grabbed Tori's hand for support. She squeezed my hand and I squeezed hers back tightly in nervousness. Taking another deep breath I let go and started to walk towards our zany lockers.

Huddled around Tori's stood Beck, Jade, Robbie, and Andre.

"Hey Lil Red! Where were you guys all weekend?" Andre asked good naturedly.

My mind went blank. "Uhh… well, we were… ummm…"

"Having a girl's day," Tori interjected, saving me.

"Sounds fun," Beck replied.

"Yeah you would like that wouldn't you! "Jade yelled at him and stormed off.

Beck looked around at the group in confusion.

"I don't know man," Andre replied in sympathy. "But I would go after her before she does something crazy."

But it was too late.

"Jade stop being such a gang and give me my coconut back!" Sikowitz yelled.

"Never!" Jade replied and threw the coconut against the wall so hard that it broke and the milk exploded all over the hallway.

"That's it young lady. Lane's office, now!"

"No he'll make me put on lotion!"

"Well you should have thought of that beforehand!"

He stormed off, Jade in tow.

"So… that was interesting," Robbie said.

We all nodded in agreement. But secretly, I was glad it happened. It took the attention off of my and Tori absence.

The warning bell rung and Robbie, Beck, and Andre said goodbye and made their way off to their various classes. I started to get really nervous about being alone, breathing shallowly and quickly.

"It'll be okay Cat. You only have to get through creative writing and then we'll have math together. You can do it." With that and a reassuring hug Tori ran off to her science class.

Walking towards class I felt weird. Tori had been by my side ever since that thing happened, and I felt almost empty without her.

I couldn't focus on anything that happened during class and I felt strangely numb. It seemed like only a few minutes had gone by, but the bell had already gone off signaling the end of class. It took me a minute to register the noise and by the time I got out of class Tori was already waiting by the door, looking slightly worried.

It was such a relief to see her. I still felt a little out of it but she was my gravity and I slowly started to come back to earth. Sensing my needs like an almost sixth sense, she gave me space and we walked to math in silence.

Most of the day went by like that. It seemed as though I was in a dream world, watching myself go through the motions. Most people barely seemed to notice because I was always daydreaming, but this was different. This was scary. I couldn't connect to my body no matter how hard I tried. Yet I watched myself smile at acquaintances in the hall and laugh at Robbie's jokes and listen to Jade story about the unfairness of her detention for her "minor" outburst. They were all oblivious to my struggle.

Only Tori saw through me. At one point she pulled me into the janitor's closet right before we were supposed to get to Sikowitz's class, the last class of the day. I watched her shake me and saw me smile blankly at her.

"You need to wake up. He's not going to hurt you here."

Who's not going to hurt me? Is Sikowtiz going to throw a ball at me for being late again?

"Cat you're scaring me."

No Tori was the one scaring me! Was Sikowitz going to find us in here don't let him!

"Please Cat. That monster isn't here, it's just you and me."

No. I only knew one monster and I couldn't bear to think about him. I blocked out my thoughts and successfully pushed any memories down. They can't hurt me when I'm way up here.

"Cat say something, I'm getting scared."

I tried to but I couldn't.

"I'm sorry Red." With that she picked up the bucket next to her, filled with water from the hose lying next to it, and threw the water into my face.

"Tori what the actual fuck?!"

"Oh thank God," she replied and hugged me tightly. She held on for a little bit and then pulled away. "Catrina Valentine don't you ever do that to me again." A tear trickled out as she said that. "I can't lose you."

I nodded my head staring at my feet. What just happened, whatever it was, was terrifying. I had no control over myself, and worst of all I scared Tori halfway out of her mind. I didn't mean to do that to her. The only thing I could think to say to her was, "We need to stop crying so much."

She looked at me strangely for a minute, and then burst out laughing. The laugh grew harder when she saw my incredulous look, and she was laughing so hard that she had to bend double, clutching the rolling trash can for support. I started to giggle with her. When she put too much weight on the trash can it slipped out from under her and she fell to the floor. We both lost it, and I can't remember the laugh time I laughed so hard that I actually fell to the floor. Smiles plastered onto strained checks we helped each other up and ran to class, barely making it time.

In that class I smiled at acquaintances, laughed at Robbie's jokes, and listened to yet another overly dramatic version of Jade's dentation inducing story. And for the first time all day I didn't feel like I was faking it.

* * *

**Hmmm why would Tori choose to sing that song to Cat? Hidden feelings perhaps?! Well you'll see, all in good time my friends, all in good time. Also leave me a review. Otherwise I'll start writing these stories in "gansta" language. "Yo Cat you my home girl and so g, I got love for you dawg do you feel me? Peace." And none of us want that. SO REVIEW.**

**Also sorry for threatening you with gansta language and for embarrassing myself because I just read that over again and I can say for certain that I am ashamed of myself for ever writing in such a fashion. I sounded like a 45 year old mom trying to be "hip." But it needed to be done, and hopefully you'll review. So word. **

**A-dawg out.**


	5. Chapter 5

**Okay so I have a lot to say before starting this one. I forgot to put in last chapter that I do not own All We Are by One Republic. That song is awesome if you guys want to check it out! Additionally, this chapter is going to have graphic depictions of sexual assault. The flashback will be in ****_italics, _****so be warned!**

**This is the number for National Sexual Assault Hotline- if you have ever been sexually assaulted please call this number. Rape, or anything of that nature, is never your fault. Please get help.**

**1-800-656-HOPE**

**If you have been sexually assault and feel you have nowhere else to turn to and don't feel comfortable calling the number, please private message me. I will always be there for anyone who ever needs to talk!**

**On a lighter note, I will be doing this chapter in Cat's POV. I know I did the last chapter in her POV too but I feel its important to hear her story. I'll make it up to you guys by giving Tori two chapters in a row somewhere down the line. Pinky promise.**

**Okay I think that just about covers everything, I hope you like the chapter!**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Victorious.**

* * *

Cat POV

Walking through my front door I threw my bag on an old floral arm chair.

I heard Tori do the same and groan loudly in exhaustion. When I looked back at her she was draped over my living room couch. She lifted up her head to speak, her hair partially covering her face.

"I would like to have a stern talking to with whoever invented school. Because they suck. And they should die." She let her head flop down with a mighty thump as she said this, muttering under her breath.

I had just made it through my second day back at school after the party. Today was much better then yesterday, I actually felt almost normal. The times when Tori wasn't with me were more difficult to get through, but at least I was back in control of my own body.

Now that we were isolated again I felt good. Great actually. And Tori always knew how to make me laugh. She was sprawled out dramatically on the couch, eyes closed. Then a thought occurred to me. I let an evil grin pass over my face.

"Ooohhh Toorriii!" I sang."Tiimmme ttooo geett uuppp!"

She grunted response.

I ran to the couch and stepped on it and started to jump on it.

"Get up get up get up get up!" I bounced on the couch in time with my words.

"CATERINA VALENTINE. STOP IT RIGHT NOW." she growled. I giggle at the staccato tempo of her voice. I made her do that with my bouncing!

"NEVER!" I screamed back giddily and increased my tempo.

"This means war!" A pillow hit my face and Tori jumped up, facing me. She cocked her eyebrow at me teasingly and gave me her "tori is determined look to win this look." Uh-oh.

"Ahhh!" I screeched and jumping off the couch and sprinting into the next room.

"Oh no you don't!" She yelled after me laughing.

She chased me around the kitchen, through my dining room, and up the stairs. I was laughing so hard I could barely breathe. I made into my room, and quickly armed myself with stuff animals. When she burst through the door I threw them at her one by one. She dodged a few but Mr. Purple hit her square in the face.

Score!

She stood in my door way and blocked it by grabbing the sides of the frame.

"You have nowhere left to run!"

With that she charged at me, tackling me on the bed. She straddled me and pinned my arms down. Breathing hard she looked up at the ceiling and shouted, "I am Victorious!"

But I was in a different world. It wasn't Tori on top of me anymore it was him. No no no ! I heard his laugh and felt his hands and it hurt so bad make it-

"STOP!" The sound that came out was an alienating guttural noise. It was almost animalistic and after hearing it Tori immediately sprung off of me.

I tried to make sense of things, remember where I was, and forget about what just happened. But I just kept coming back to that place and I still felt him all over me. I hugged myself and turned over on my side.

Tori, on the other hand, was fretting above me.

"Omg Cat I'm so sorry that was literally the most stupid thing I've ever done, I should have known better- did I hurt you? How can I help you? Ugh why am I so fucking stupid!?" She whipped her arms up as she asked that last question, and let them smack against her thighs. She shook her head violently in frustration, muttering stupid, insensitive, moron and other hurtful words at herself.

"Tori it's fine. It's not that big of a deal."

But it was. I was still half there with him and I couldn't shake it.

"No it is a big deal! I can tell you're not okay, your eyes are glazed over and you sound far away. This is just like yesterday at school! And I made you go there! And I'm stupid and I'm so so sorry..."

Something had to change. I couldn't keep functioning like this. I knew I was doing things that weren't healthy. I can't keep pretending this never happened. Because it did, and I'm scarred by it. I'm messed up. But it didn't mean that I couldn't get better.

"I'm ready."

Tori, who was pacing stopped dead in her tracks. "What?"

"I'm ready to tell you what happened that night."

"Cat, are you sure? I mean, this is kinda big. And if you don't feel comfortable..."

"I have to do it."

I sat up and when I patted the bed next to me and she sat down obediently.

As I started to recall Friday it came as a flashback. I was there, reliving the whole event.

_ Parking my car at Andre's I felt good. I was ready to let loose, ready to show the school that Cat Valentine wasn't a girl all about sparkles and rainbows. She can party! With this motivation in my head I walked confidently towards the house. And my jaw almost fell off my face. How is it humanly possible to fit this many people into one house? I'll never find my friends in here!_

_ And I couldn't. For almost a half an hour, nobody. Then I spotted Danny, my ex. I was so desperate to find someone that I called out to him._

_ He turned around and when he caught me waving at him his face light up._

_ "Cat!" he called back._

_ Thank god we broke up on such good terms._

_ He approached me with two red solo cups in his hand._

_"It's so great to see you! Here have some of this," He said handing me one of the cups. We headed towards tow vacant seats on one of Andre's couches. I eyed the liquid in my cup nervously. Truth be told I've actually never been drunk but I wanted to show everyone I'm not as innocent as they thought I was. And I trusted Danny; he wouldn't let me embarrass myself._

_ "Cheers!" he declared. Smirking he threw back the shot and looked at me expectedly._

_ Here it goes I thought to myself, downing it._

_ I don't think I've ever coughed so hard in my life._

_ Laughing good naturedly he patted my back._

_"Whoa there tiger," he teased._

_"Danny!" I pouted at him giving him my killer puppy dog eyes, the ones I saved for moments like these. No one can resist them._

_ Caving he responded, "Ugh, fine I'm sorry!"_

_ Success._

_ I smiled at him and an awkward moment passed between us._

_"Let me get you another drink," he said. I nodded as I gave him my cup. He darted off to the kitchen and came back rather quickly. He handed me the cup without a word. We clinked glasses and I drank mine with a bit more grace this time._

_ He was watching me very intently as I drank but when I looked up at him the moment had passed._

_ "I'm very impressed," he said._

_ "I'm full of surprises," I countered but I was looking around the room while I said it. I couldn't shake that weird feeling that passed through me after I caught Danny staring at me. Besides, flirting with Danny was fun but I wanted to find my friends. Especially Tori! I had to tell her about the butterfly I saw today. Or was it a lady bug?_

_ "Cat I want to show you something really cool. Come upstairs with me?"_

_ "Kay kay!"_

_ I didn't want to be rude plus I was excited. I wanted to see something cool!_

_ I followed Danny obediently up the stairs._

_ "Where are we going?"_

_ "It's a secret."_

_ Giddy with excitement I squealed, "You know I love secrets!"_

_ He nodded his head distractedly and opened a door._

_ It led to a small dark bedroom, with a queen bed and a small attached bathroom. It was dank and it smelled a little funny. The room looked like no one had touched it in years. _

_ "It's in here?" I asked a little uncertainly._

_"Yup, just go in." He replied with a hint of annoyance in his voice._

_ I was getting another weird feeling, but I was starting to get light headed and felt a little dizzy. I stumbled and clutched onto Danny for support._

_ Trying to laugh it off I said, "Sorry, you know how clumsy I can be."_

_ Maybe it was the alcohol but I could have sworn his smile looked like shark teeth. I felt sick and extremely weak. Is this what being drunk is like? I'm never getting drunk ever again!_

_ "I don't feel good," I moaned._

_ "Let's get you off your feet," he said, helping me over to the bed. I groaned at the effort, and laid down._

_ He started to draw the shades._

_ "Danny, why are you doing that?"_

_ "Shhh, its okay Cat just relax."_

_ His voice came closer and by the end of his sentence I saw his blurry silhouette standing over me._

_ The next thing I knew he was leaning down and kissing me hard._

_ I made a small sound in surprise. What was he doing? We broke up! I need to get away from here, I have to find my friend. I pushed him off of me slightly and declared, "Danny no. I do not want to do this. We're over and I don't like you like that anymore. I thought you knew that. I think we should go back downstairs."_

_ The next thing I knew I felt a harsh sting across my cheek._

_ "Danny!" I cried out in hurt and indignation._

_ "Shut up I swear to God or I'll make you shut up."_

_ I whimpered in fear and confusion. Why was he acting this way?_

_ "I thought I told you to shut up!"_

_ His fist swung down and I instinctively flinched. But it hit the pillow next to me. I heard tearing and then he was covering my mouth with the strip of pillowcase._

_"That solves that," he muttered. _

_ I froze. I couldn't believe this was happening. This had to be a joke. Danny would snap out of it any minute and we would go back downstairs and find everyone and we would all laugh at the practical joke Danny just pulled on me. Please._

_ I snapped out of my daze and started to struggle under his oppressive weight._

_ That action made me receive another hard blow in the same spot that he had just hit me earlier._

_ He whispered in my ear, "So you like it rough eh? I'll give it to you rough."_

_ I heard the sound of a zipper being pulled down._

_ I tried to scream, say no no STOP. Please. But nothing but the sound of a rough and raw groan._

_ It was dark. I could just make out him face because of the light in the bathroom. I could see the psychotic glint in his eyes. It was terrifying._

_ The tears flowed freely down my face now. Why was this happening to me?_

_ I heard the sound of anther material ripping and felt a breeze on my stomach._

_ This was happening way too fast. I guess it was the alcohol but I couldn't wrap my head around it. On top of the dark environment, everything was blurry and I felt so tired. Despite this I continued to struggle._

_ I punched, slapped, hit, scratched, tore, pulled, pushed everywhere I could on Danny's body._

_ At one point managed to scrap his eye with my nails._

_ FUCK! He roared, tearing of a silver of the head board in pain and clutched his eye._

_ I push him off of me. Spring up I started to run away, but I was so disoriented that I only made it a few dizzying step._

_I heard him behind me, and then there was a pain in my side. It wasn't like the stinging slap, it was the kind of pain that slowly builds up and becomes so great that it crashes over you. The pain was so intense that I fell to my knees._

_ Danny stood over me with a piece of the broken headboard stained red._

_ "You're going to get it now bitch", he said still holding his eye._

_ He picked me up and threw me on the bed._

_ I squirmed underneath him but the pain in my side was crippling._

_ All of a sudden he started back up again. He was kissing me and started to move south. He yanked my bra off in one powerful motion. I tried to cover myself but he quickly grabbed my arms and held them painfully above my head. He shoved his free hand on my chest and squeezed me, hard. I cried out from the pain but Danny thought it was for a whole other reason._

_ Whispering in my ear he said, "You like that kitty Cat? Well it's only going to get better from here."_

_ Dread shot through me like ice in my veins. The only thing I could think of was why was this happening?_

_ I could feel him straining against my leg and I heard him slide him pants down._

_ "See how much better this is? You never let me do this when we're dating. Always such a prude, just like Tori. Who knows maybe I'll do her next, you both could loosen up a little. He whispered the last part to me. "I know that you want this, you little whore."_

_ With that thought he pushed himself inside of me._

_ There was pain, mind numbing pain, just as bad as on one still throbbing on my side. I tried to cry out but you could barely hear anything because of the gag. And I was just so tired. My sight was fuzzy, my struggling movements heavy and futile, and it felt like some terrible terrible dream. All I wanted to do was close my eyes until it was over._

_ I'm a fighter. Always was, and I could always manage to scamper out of any situation. But I couldn't fight him, could make him get off of me. I was terrified. I was losing the fight, and my virginity._

_ He was pumping in and out of me and I stopped struggling, trying to lessen the pain. There was nothing I could do, I just wanted it to end._

_ Then the door opened. A male figure stood in the doorway, but I was so groggy that I couldn't make out any of his features._

_ "Oh." He said awkwardly. "Didn't mean to interrupt." I knew this was my only shot so I started to scream. Danny froze, and the guy stopped closing the door._

_ "Hey man, what's going on in here?"_

_ "Relax dude, she's just a little into S&M ya know? It's the redheads, they're always freaky."_

_ I slowly shook my head no but I was just so tired and disoriented. He had to help me. Please._

_ "No dude I get what you mean. Sorry for interrupting." He shook his head uncertainly and then walked out._

_ When the door clicked shut I was crushed. I was this close to being saved, and I only ended up back where I started. In that moment I gave up. Everything went fuzzy. Danny said something to me. He continued his assault. And I barely noticed. Everything went dark as I folded into myself._

I came back from my flash back. Even just retelling it was hard; everything was still so fresh in my mind. Retelling it was practically reliving it. My bruise throbbed more than it had all day, and I swear I could see blood staining my shirt from my side. I guess I must have reopened my gash while telling the story. But now that I had done it, I already started to feel better, even though I wasn't anywhere close to where I needed to be. I was still so messed up.

"After that black-out the next thing I remember is you. It was wet, and I think I was on the ground. There was a car. Your purple room. I told you I was raped. But still even that is just flashes. That's it. It's all I can remember. But what I remember is more enough to damage me. I'm still not me anymore. Maybe I never will be."

Tears fell from Tori's chocolate brown eyes. Throughout the whole story she was silent, while she listened attentively. The look on her face changed from one of horror, to fear, to pity, to hatred, and back over again.

"Cat, I can't even imagine what you went through. Even hearing it… it was awful. I am so so sorry. I would do anything to make you not have to go through that. Danny... I never pinned him as the type. I don't care that he said anything about me but he should have never had said that to you. Worse still, he should have never done that to you. I can't believe I let that freak kiss me. I can't believe I almost let him get in between us." You could hear the disdain dripping off her every word.

I remembered back when Danny was my boyfriend but he was also Tori's ex. She had gotten jealous over our relationship so she sprayed hot cheese all over us and kissed him. I was hurt at the time, but we quickly made up and I broke up with Danny. The whole thing seemed so trivial now.

She turned away, upset. She took a moment to find her voice. I saw her hands gripping onto my sheets, her knuckles white.

"I'm sorry Cat. You didn't deserve what he did to you. Why didn't that guy do anything? I think that's the part that upsets me the most."

I shrugged. "He was a coward."

"So is Danny."

I nodded my head in agreement. I let the gravity of the situation weigh down the air for a moment.

Suddenly Tori pulled me against her into a warm hug. I held onto her in silence. I had no idea how long we were like that. It could have been 5 seconds, it could have been 5 minutes, it could have been 5 hours. It didn't matter. It was in that place I had felt the safest since that night.

When we finally started to break apart I was still on the edge of that moment trying to make it stay, so I could bask in the comfort it gave me. I let it wash over me, and then let it go, just as Tori was now letting go of me. Instead of completely disengaging herself from me she grabbed my hands.

"You are my best friend and I love you to death. I know you are going to get through this. I'm never going to leave your side."

She was staring at me intently and I could see excitement and slight frustration mounting in her. She needed me to understand what she was saying, and to pick the right words. "If anybody is going to be able to do this it's going to be you. I've never had more faith in a person before. When you're ready we are going to take that thing who calls himself human down. We'll do it together. You are courageous, strong, empathetic, and the most beautiful person inside and out that I've ever had the pleasure of meeting. And we will win this. It will get better."

After that declaration she pulled me back into my safety net. She was right. I could do this, with her by my side.


	6. Chapter 6

**Disclaimer: I do not own Victorious. Oh what, you thought I did? Silly rabbit, Victorious is for Dan Schneider.**

* * *

Tori POV

The next day was a blur. Cat sharing her story with me had been a huge step for her and now the lesser ones were coming quicker and easier.

After school we finally went to the hospital.

We waited in the emergency room for what felt like forever, but after an hour a doctor saw us. He introduced himself as Dr. Haggerty. He was in his late 30's, tall, hooked nose, rather thin, and entirely self-assured. You could just tell he was one of those people who constantly droned on about themselves, and only after a few words I already knew I didn't like him.

When he asked why we were here, Cat hesitantly lifted up her shirt so the cut on her side was just barely exposed. Her hands shook and a blush crept up her cheeks and the back of her neck. Letting someone, especially a stranger, see that much of her so close after the rape was challenging for her. Oblivious to her struggle, the doctor swiftly examined the cut and let her drop her shirt. She did so gratefully, and I let out a breath I didn't know I was holding.

When asked about how she attained the cut, Cat gave the doctor a vague story about how she broke a piece of her headboard off in her sleep, and accidentally rolled over onto it. The doctor made an affirmative noise, but his arched eyebrows screamed of skepticism.

After hearing Cat's story, Dr. Haggerty clunked his tongue at her disapprovingly. "Well, all I can really do is make sure there is no infection. You should have come to the hospital immediately after you received this wound. It's going to scar."

I looked at the inflamed jagged mark about an inch wide just under her ribs.

Great, I thought to myself. Now she'll forever have something to remind her of fucking Danny. Absolutely perfect.

And the doctor chastising her wasn't helping. He didn't know what she went through. Coming here was a huge step for her! Just looking at her you could tell how nervous and uncomfortable she was. She never made eye contact with the doctor, and only spoke in one word sentences. At the front desk I did most of the taking. Sitting on that medical bed next to the doctor I saw her shrink. She looked so small, and at least 2 years younger. He could at least be nice to her!

"So. You said you rolled over this... broken headboard is that right?" Dr. Haggerty asked.

"Yes." Cat replied tentatively.

"Well the cut is angled downward, like it came from above you, not below."

Well Danny was taller than her you idiot.

"And the lacerations in the muscle tissue indicate that the object was used with force."

Because he fucking stabbed her asshole.

"Where are your parents?"

Cat and I just stared at him, not knowing what to say.

He looked between us knowingly, with a satisfied smirk on his face. "Do you want to tell me what really happened?"

Cat blanked. She was never good at lying on her feet. "Uh... umm... well..."

The actress in me kicked in.

"It's okay Cat. You don't have to lie to him anymore."

took a deep breath and stared at that doctor repentantly. "We got into this huge fight over a guy we both liked, and I ripped off a piece of Cat's headboard in frustration. I know, stupid right? I didn't even know I was that strong!"

Cat was looking at me in shock and a little bit of awe.

"Cat tried to wrestle the piece of headboard away from me because she was so mad I broke it."

I smiled sheepishly at her. "Still so so sorry about that by the way."

She just nodded in return.

Turing my attention back Dr. Haggerty, I continued my fabricated story.

"She grabbed the piece of headboard but she accidentally elbowed me in the rips and well- it just sorta slipped. Next thing I know the piece is sticking out of her side. I guess the cut is downwards because I'm taller than her. I didn't mean to hurt her! It was an accident. I started crying fake tears. "I'm so sorry Cat!"

Cat finally spoke up. "It's okay." She put on her acting face and turned towards the doctor. "I didn't want Tori to get into trouble and we didn't realize how bad the cut was until today. If either of our parents knew they wouldn't let us be friends anymore and Tori is my best friend and I can't lose her..." Now Cat started to cry. "Please don't tell them!"

I nodded vigorously but continued the faux tears.

The doctor, once cool, removed, and self-assured was staring at the two of us helplessly. He had no idea what to do with two crying girls and it showed.

He shook his head, attempting to clear it.

"Okay, okay, just please stop crying."

I sniffed loudly in response.

"The tissues are over there Miss. Please use them if needed." He took a deep breath.

"I won't call your parents, but don't do something that stupid ever again."

We both nodded our heads obediently.

"I need to go get your medication Caterina. I'll be back soon."

As soon as the door closed behind him we both started to giggle.

"I can't believe we pulled that off," I whispered.

"Boys never know what to do with crying girls," Cat stated matter of factly.

Ecstatic from our small victory, Cat and I waited briefly for the doctor to return.

Dr. Haggerty ambled back into the room. "Here. Apply this cream to the scar twice a day for 7 months so it won't be quite as noticeable. Also take these antibiotics once a day for 6 weeks. That should fight off any infection. All of this is covered by your insurance, so everything is all set." He looked at us a little unsettled. After an awkward pause he cleared his throat and professed, "Now if you excuse me I have more patients to treat."

As Dr. Haggerty was striding out the door I said, "Thank you for all your help!" batting my eyelashes innocently.

Muttering under his breath the doctor didn't even turn around.

* * *

While we were pulling up to Cat's house I had a thought. "Cat, aren't your parents going to see that on their bill?"

Cat stared at the dashboard thoughtfully. "Oh. I didn't think of that. I guess we'll just cross that bridge when we get to it! Hopefully by then I'll be ready to tell my parents."

"You're going to tell them?"

Aww, I was so proud of her!

"Yeah. They need to know. But not until after they back from the Hollywood Arts parent conference. They should get home on Monday, so I have a few days."

Oh right. Same with my parents. I didn't really think about that much. It seems so normal to be spending so much time away from them. They were never home anyways.

Cat echoed my thoughts exactly. "My parents are never home anyways. Before the conference they were staying with my brother for two weeks at his mental hospital."

I gasped, "So you've been living by yourself for three weeks?"

"Mhmm. "

"But- your parents they-"

"It's not that big of a deal Tori-o. Hehe that sounded like Oreo, we should eat some when we get inside!"

"Okay sure Cat, if that's what you want."

Cat squealed with happiness. However, her face immediately fell when her thoughts went back to her parents. Continuing our conversation she stated, "Besides, I can take care of myself."

"But you shouldn't have to."

I was upset that Cat's parents were neglecting her. Part of it stemmed from my own anger with my parents never being home, but three weeks? That's ridiculous.

"Do they do this often?"

Twirling her hair idly she said, "Kinda, like once every other month or so my parents visit my brother. I'm not allowed to go."

"Why's that?"

"They told me they can only handle one crazy child at a time." She blushed and avoided eye contact with me during that statement.

"Did I ever tell you I have ADD and ADHD?"

I shook my head no. I had guessed that much on my own, but had never voiced my thoughts out loud. It didn't really matter to me, and besides that was something for Cat to tell me when she was ready.

"Well yeah I have them both. I'm on medication now, so I'm a little better. Chuckling she confessed, "I still have some pretty random thoughts though."

I laughed lightly along with her. "Yes you do, but I like the random thoughts. They keep my day interesting."

Cat smiled gratefully at me. Then her eyebrows furrowed and her eyes grew wide. She started to wring her hands together and cleared her throat nervously.

Her voice hitching and uncertain, she asked, "You don't think I'm crazy, do you?"

Shocked at the question and the insecurity in her voice, I quickly responded, "Of course I don't."

She sighed in relief. "Do you know one of the reasons why I didn't want to go to the police?

I shook my head no. I still didn't. I wanted to personally pummel Danny more than anything else but I guess getting him thrown in jail was the second best option. How could Cat not want that bare minimum for herself?

"I'm scared all the policemen will think I'm crazy too and won't believe me."

"They won't think you're crazy!" I promised. "You have to talk to the police. They'll see the Cat I, and everyone in their right mind, see. Don't listen to what your parents say. I can't even come remotely close to understanding how they could say that to you. They have this wonderful, beautiful, talented, kind hearted girl in front of them, and they are blind to it."

Cat's cheeks grew redder which each adjective I proclaimed.

"How can someone do that? Just leave a child by herself? They should have been here. Whether you wanted to tell them or not you should have at least had the option! Parents are here to help mold their child into the person they never were. How can they do that if they're not around?"

"Being separated from them used to make me feel really lonely, and after a while I became numb to it. I mean, I had our group of friends and I even considered Jade to be my best friend, despite our different personalities. But I never had someone who got me through and through. I never had someone I could confide in. And then you moved here and despite my weirdness-I still shudder every time I think of the first time we met- you and I became so close. You're my best friend and our relationship one of the single most important things in my life."

"Aw Cat! I feel the same way. You are so important to me."

Cat smiled brightly and trudged on with her monologue.

"Before you I had this belief. Don't depend on anyone too much in this world, because in the end the only person looking out for me is me. Even my shadow leaves me in darkness."

Wow. That was a really deep, even though it was entirely dark. Don't get me wrong, it's not that I don't think Cat's capable of such thoughts, but the ones I usually hear coming out of her mouth are about rainbows and unicorns. I guess those were the kind of thoughts that encumbered Cat's mind on her loneliest nights. But it made sense. After all these years of neglect and feelings of worthlessness brought on by her parents, Cat built a labyrinth in her own head; one so ingrained that sometimes she even lost herself. But that was the thing about Cat. She always came back.

"But you Tori. You're different. You shattered the belief. That awful night you stayed with me the whole time. You're still here. You picked me up and forced me to march on when I didn't think I could take another step. When I tried to push you away you held on tighter. Not for your own selfish needs, but for me. I've never had someone care that much about me before. You're not just my crutch. Or my best friend. You're my life line. I can honestly say I don't know where I would be without you."

I was shocked and speechless. I meant that much to Cat? I mean, I've always known how much she meant to me. She was my first and closest friend at Hollywood Arts. I knew she cared for me but I didn't realize the depth of it was mutual.

"Cat that means so much to me, more than I could ever possibly explain."

But why did it mean so much to me? I've always sought the approval of my peers and especially with my friends, but I've always seeked out the approval of Cat more than anyone. Her opinion of me, whether it's my clothes, song choice, or overall personality, mattered. It mattered so much to me that sometimes her opinion drowned out everyone else's. Even if that meant I picked out a shirt in the mall that the rest of the group disapproved of but Cat loved. Or if when we were working on a project for Sikowitz's class I would give in to her idea. I even did a play wither her about a giraffe who learns to love.

I still shudder every time I think of that fluffy purple 7 foot costume Cat somehow convinced me to wear to class. Jade _still _talks about it. Damn those puppy dog eyes!

"So… how about those Oreo's?"

Perking up immensely, Cat wriggled her eyebrows playfully at me. "Race ya!"

Before I could respond she jumped out of the car and raced towards the door.

"Oh come on that's cheating, no head starts!" I shouted after her.

Cat ignored me, and proceeded to beat me by a mile. Who knew that tiny girl could move so fast?

Two hours later night had fallen, our homework completed, and dinner was eaten. Cat and I sat in front of her stereo, trying to figure out a good song to dance to for our Dancing Intermediate course.

Inspecting her finger nails, Cat responded to each song. "No. This one is just okay. Nope. Let's come back to this song later. Not this one. Maybe. Next. Gross! Skip."

_Pump it. Louder!_

We stared at each for a second before jumping up.

At the top of our lungs we screamed along with the song, "PUMP IT. LOUDER!"

And so a dance party ensued.

Arms and legs failing wildly, I dorky danced my face off. Cat was jumping up and down on the couch, a huge smile plaster to her face will she serenaded me with the Black Eye Peas.

"TURN UP THE RADIO, BLAST THE STEREO RIGHT NOW!" Hips shaking back and forth, arms pumping up and down, Cat giggled wildly between every break in the song. After doing the Sprinkler, the Robot, and my attempted fail at the Worm, I knew I had embarrassed myself beyond all belief. At one point Cat was laughing so hard at me that she fell off the couch and rolled from side to side on the floor, tears running down her face. yet I never once felt judged. She was the only person I could do this around.

When the song finally ended, a slower one came on. It was my turn to wriggle my eyebrows at her. In the deepest, most manly voice I could manage I asked, "May I have this dance my lady?"

Cat giggled into her hand before composing herself. Brushing off the nonexistent dirt on her skirt, she replied seriously, "I would be honored kind sir."

Laughing at her expression, I enclosed Cat into a tight embrace while she settled her face into the crook of my neck. I rested my head on top of hers and we swayed contently.

I felt so relaxed. Holding Cat just seemed so… right somehow. I loved having Cat as my best friend. She meant the world to me. Ever since that strange first encounter, I made up any excuse to see her. But that's what best friends want to do right? See each other. A lot. And hug each other all the time. And constantly think about them. I mean, that's normal right? And those full kissable lips...

Whoa. What was that? Why did I just think that? I started to get anxious and fidgety. The once relaxed position was now making me more and more uncomfortable as each second passed. Cat, on the other hand, didn't even seem to notice.

I didn't know what that was. Why did I think about Cat's lips? Wait, do I have feelings for Cat? I've never been into girls. And a crush on Cat is the last thing I need right now. It's the last thing both of us need right now. There was no way I could pursue this. Our friendship meant too much to me, and Cat was going through such a tough time right now. Why burden her anymore? Besides it was probably just a faze. I had been in constant contact with her for the past few days and it was messing with my head. No, it wasn't a faze or anything at all, I just need to get more sleep because the lack of it is making me delusional. And I need to stop watching so many romantic comedies. Resolved, I pushed away any wandering thought about Cat.

As the song came to a close I tried to unattach myself from Cat, but she held on tight.

"Uh, Cat? The song's over."

"I know but you're just so comfy!"

Rolling my eyes at her I chuckled, "Well so are you."

"What's that supposed to mean!? Oh my god was that a fat joke? You're so insensitive!"

Flustered, I attempted to respond, "Uhh- no! It wasn't… I wasn't…"

"Kidding Tori, kidding. You need to relax! Come on, I'm exhausted, let's go to bed!" Winking at me she sauntered off adorably, leaving me behind to gather my thoughts.

Did she just, how did she… did I… wait. What just happened? Half confused and half amused I slowly trailed behind up the stairs.

* * *

I awoke from my dreamless sleep by the sound of muffled crying.

"Oh Cat, sweetie, did you have another bad dream?" Those were starting to worry me, they weren't going away.

"N-noo that's not it."

"Then what's wrong?"

She peaked up at me. In that moment she looked so fragile and hopeless. Pieces of her scarlet hair stuck to her cheek, slightly clashing with the pinkish-red hue of her full lips. Slowly she bit down on the lower and chewed on it nervously. Uh-oh. Cat only did that when something serious is going on. I braced myself for what she had to say.

"I- I'm late."

* * *

**Dun Dun Dun! That's right. A cliffhanger. Had to do it. Sorry I'm not sorry for being such a tease. **

**Review.**

**Because reviewing is a lot like love. And ALL YOU NEED IS LOVE. DA DADA DA DA!**

**I do not own Pump it by the Black Eye Peas. Such a good throw back song. **

**Also had my own first encounter with writer's block. It was uncomfortable and weird and we didn't like each other very much. So we are going to try to awkwardly avoid each other from now on. But you know what gets me through those days? All the people who favorite/review/follow my story. YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE. And I love every single one of you. **

**I don't love the rest of you. I mean I like you strongly, but we'll never have that love connection. It's not you, its me. **

**I lied, it's totally you. **

**But listen, I will come to love you if you favorite/review/follow my story! So give me some sugar, I am your neighbor (on this Cori ship)! Once again, I had to do it. Black Eye Peas were in this chapter. It was now or never.**

**Until next time!**


	7. Chapter 7

**Disclaimer: I do not own Victorious, despite wishing upon all of my eye lashes. And I mean all of them. Now I'm an eyelashes-less freak with no Victorious to call my own. Sigh.**

* * *

_I awoke from my dreamless sleep by the sound of muffled crying._

_"Oh Cat, sweetie, did you have another bad dream?" Those were starting to worry me, they weren't going away._

_"N-noo that's not it."_

_"Then what's wrong?"_

_She peaked up at me. In that moment she looked so fragile and hopeless. Pieces of her scarlet hair stuck to her cheek, slightly clashing with the pinkish-red hue of her full lips. Slowly she bit down on the lower and chewed on it nervously. Uh-oh. Cat only did that when something serious is going on. I braced myself for what she had to say._

_"I- I'm late."_

* * *

"You're late? By how much?"

"I was supposed to get it Sunday."

I didn't understand. This couldn't be happening, not after everything Cat's been through! My mouth was on auto pilot and without it even registering I had already asked, "Cat, I know this a sort of sensitive question but… did he use a condom?" Even as the words passed through my lips I already knew the answer.

Cat vacantly shook her head back and forth.

Oh my god. This was too surreal, as hard as I tired I couldn't wrap my head around this. Cat could be pregnant? With Danny's child? As soon as the name Danny crossed my mind I instantly became sick to my stomach.

Cat was still crying steadily, her eyes searching. I could tell she wanted me to say the right thing, make this all better, but I there was nothing I could do about this. For God's sake it was a child we were talking about here! I can't say a few soothing words and make this okay. And that killed me.

I glanced behind me at the clock. It read 1:43.

I took several deep breaths trying to calm myself. "Okay. So we don't know if you're actually pregnant" –Cat shuddered at the word- "or not." You've been under so much stress lately so you could be late because of that. So don't freak yourself out yet." Those words were half meant for her and half for me.

Cat seemed to have taken small comfort in that, but she still looked so fragile, and if I moved the wrong way or said the wrong thing she would break. It made me realize just how carefully I've had to choose my word around her ever since the rape, how every syllable mattered. It was terrifying how much weight a few letters thrown together had. And now there was more pressure on me than ever before. I couldn't mess this up.

As I came to that realization my insecurities came screaming at me.

_You can't handle this! You're 17 years old. You need to take a step back from Cat. Everything has always been Catcatcatcat lately, when's the late time you were separated from her?_

During our classes.

_But that wasn't by choice, and as soon as the bell rang you bolted out of class to race to hers. You're too invested into this girl. And now there's baby involved? That's too much for you._

I would do anything for Cat. I could be there for her, for the baby.

_Have you ever thought that maybe you the worst thing for the both of them? They need someone who can take care of them. You can't do that._

I shook my head, as I tried to erase that small voice yelling at me in the back of my head. One thing was for certain, I needed space to figure out where I stood.

"Cat. I'm going to get a pregnancy test. Not knowing is killing me, I have no idea how you're coping right now."

Cat gave me a weak smile. "Because you're here."

That tugged on my heart strings but I couldn't let her drag me in again before I had a chance to figure out what I should do.

"But I need you to stay here," I replied.

Cat opened her mouth in protest, but I cut her off before she could say anything.

"Look at yourself." Although it had almost been a week, the bruise on her upper cheek was still prominent. There were bags under the eye, and she looked so pale that she practically blended into the white sheets. She was exhausted.

Cat stood up and looked in the mirror on her dresser. She did a double take, not even recognizing herself. She touched the bags under her eyes, smiling a little ruefully. "I guess you're right."

That dimpled smile slowly faded and was replaced by falling tears. No, that wasn't right. Tears don't fall, it's never that simple or elegant. Tears come crashing down, violently sucked from the emotions we can no longer bear to keep inside.

I strode over to Cat slowly. Cupping my hands around her temples, I softly touched my lips to the trembling girl's forehead. Murmuring soothingly against it I whispered, "I'll be back as quickly as I can. Please try to get some rest."

"O- Okay." I heard from below me. It was barely a whisper, but it was enough. Drawing my lip back from her head, I grabbed my things and gave her one last hug. As much as it pained me I couldn't stay by Cat's side right now. I needed space.

Driving down the side of the road another battle ensued in my head.

I want to be there for Cat. I would do anything for her, and if she asked me to I would raise that child with her in a heartbeat. But why? I mean I cared for her. But would a best friend be willing to go this far for another? Was there another underlying reason? Was there something between me and Cat?

I slammed on the breaks. NO! No. I cannot think like this right now. I can't like Cat like that. I can't think about her tinkling laugh, the way her hair looks in the sunset, the way her body fits so naturally against mine...

STOP IT VEGA! Cat might be pregnant and the only thing I can think of is my crush on her?! I'm unbelievable! I smacked the steering wheel in frustration, and then froze.

Did I just admit I have a crush on her? Okay. Maybe I do. But involving myself with her now? That's crazy. There was no way she would return my feelings. She couldn't right?

Right Vega. Don't delude yourself. I would just end up confusing Cat or even worst, pushing her away from me.

Guilt washed over me. Cat had never needed me more and now I'm having doubts? I was such a horrible person! Maybe separating myself from Cat was the best thing for her. She didn't need an emotional wreck to be with her right now. She needed someone to protect her, and I can't do that. As much as I want to I can't. For God's sake when she needed me most I practically ran out on her! Stupid!

A baby... God that's terrifying. If I don't trust myself enough to be there for Cat anymore, how will I ever be able to trust myself around a baby?

My thoughts were ping ponging around my head. I felt like a flower being slowly plucked away- does she love me, does she love me not- until there was nothing left to me. And I needed myself to be at my best right now.

One step at a time. Pregnancy test first.

There was a drug store 20 minutes away, I decided to go there. My brief sense of calm was gradually replaced my insecurities once more, but this time it was for another reason. Buying a pregnancy test was going to be so embarrassing. That cashier was going to see I was only 17 and give me a condescending look and what if I see someone I know? What would they say? I don't think I could handle this.

My more rational voice started talking in the back of my head. Tori you're being stupid, once again. You're worried that a rumor will spread about you when your best friend might actually be pregnant? Because she was raped? You're a coward.

I was ashamed of myself. Why did I need to think all these terrible thoughts at the worst possible time? I hated myself for not being the person Cat thought I was. I took a few deep breaths, trying to relax. My head was spinning and I couldn't focus. All these conflicting thoughts washed over me, leaving me an even bigger wreck than before.

Despite it all, I drew strength from the one person confusing me the most. Cat would do this for me.

That's it. I'm going to the CVS and I'm not going to let myself be embarrassed. I'm going to try to be the person that Cat needs. Resolved, I let go of the breaks and began to speed back up. I merged onto the highway when a thought occurred to me.

Wait. Didn't my mom have some pregnancy tests under the bathroom sink? That would solve my problem!

I immediately pulled into a sharp u-turn to head home.

BEEEEPPP!

"Ahhhhh!" I screamed.

I swerved to the left, narrowly avoiding hitting a car driving down the road. Giving me the finger the guy changed into the right lane and sped off ahead of me.

I was still shaking. What was I doing? My mind was so scrambled, I could barely focus on driving. My knuckles were white, gripping the steering wheel for dear life. Okay. I need to calm down. No more thinking for awhile.

I forced my mind to become blank, focusing the sound of the tires against the pavement.

The next thing I knew I had pulled up my driveway. I noticed that Trina's car was parked in the garage.

Oh great. I can't let her see me take a pregnancy test with me. I would never hear the end of it...

But maybe I wouldn't see Trina. It was really late on a school night, and she was probably getting her "essential undisturbed beauty sleep." Which I don't think is working that well, by the way. But there was no way I was complaining about that right now because the thought made relief shoot through my veins. She wouldn't be up!

Striding confidently but quietly through the door, I paused when I saw a figure on the couch. Maybe I was wrong…was that Trina? I turned on the lights and nearly had a heart attack.

There was a strange man sitting on our couch!

And oh my god is that my purple cloud robe he's wearing?!

I screamed at the top of my lungs and he jumped up in fright. He opened his mouth to speak, but I didn't let him get a word out. I grabbed the lamp next to the door and charged at him.

GET

I took a swing at his head.

OUT

Another at his side.

OF

Another at his knee.

MY

I tried once more for his head.

HOUSE!

He managed to duck them all, but after I yelled house he tripped over my robe.

Standing over the man I raised the lamp high above my head. I tried my best to sound menacing when I shouted, "Leave!"

"Tori?"

Oh thank god Trina!

"Trina! There's a psycho in our living room and he's wearing my robe and oh my god he's eating the last pop tart!" I finished noticing the empty wrapper on the coffee table and the crumbs all over my robe.

I lifted up the lamp even higher, my arms shaking from the effort.

"Tori stop! Don't hit him!"

I looked over to her in confusion.

"Tori this is Rick. That guy I was talking to you about?"

Wait. What. Huh?

Oooooooooohhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

Right. The Rick/Dick dude.

"Oh my god. I am so sorry, I didn't mean to-"

And in that moment I realized I had transferred over to the crazier Vega sister. Great, just great.

Highly embarrassed with a blush staining each of my cheeks, I turned between Trina on the stairs and the man laying between my legs, still cowering in fright.

I took a step back and lowered the lamp, while he scrambled up to his feet.

Well this is awkward. There was a question nagging at the back of my mind that I couldn't shake the need to ask.

"Trina, why is he wearing my robe?"

She started to blush, uncomfortably pulling her own robe tighter against her body.

For the second time that night I had an epiphany.

Oooooooooohhhhhhhhhh. Ew!

"Never-just never mind."

Turning to Rick/Dick I said, "Just keep the robe."

I reminded myself to burn it later.

"Well. This has been sufficiently awkward. It was nice to meet you Dick, uh... I mean Rick. I'll be out of your hair in a second."

I ran up the stairs two at a time, trying to leave that particular situation behind me as quickly as possible.

I jogged into my parent's room and to their adjoining master bathroom. I heard Trina and Rick/Dick talking downstairs and I could have sworn that I heard the word crazy being thrown around.

Whatever. That guy's first impression of me was the least of my worries.

I opened up the cabinet below the sink. Hair brushes, extra toothpaste, deodorant, body wash, no pregnancy tests.

I quickly checked the medicine cabinet, which was empty as well. Where did Mom put them? I really wanted to avoid a scene at the drug store, and I had to get back to Cat as soon as possible. I tried the last place it could possibly be. There was a cabinet of drawers in my mom's walk in closet filled with random things. She could have put them in there...

Searching through the drawers I saw old bills, CDs, pictures from her time at college, and, hey were those pearls? I had never seen her wear those before. I picked them up curiously. Below them in the box they came in was a note which read, "You look beautiful tonight. You'll look even more beautiful with these on."

Aww that was sweet. Who knew Dad was such a romantic? Although I had to say his handwriting has gotten worse in the last couple of years, it was so bad I could hardly read it. It barely even looked like his handwriting anymore, he was definitely going to have to work on that. I gently put the pearls back in the box and after searching for another minute I finally found what I was looking for. Success!

I grabbed three of the tests, just to be on the safe side. When I walked out of my parent's room I paused. I was running out of clothes at Cat's house and I wanted to avoid another encounter with Trina and Rick/Dick for as long as possible.

I ran into my room to pack everything I would need until Cat's parents got home. While I was packing my bag I heard the Rick/Dick and Trina move upstairs into Trina's room. At least I wouldn't have to face them again.

I had just finished packing the last item into my bag when I heard a high pitched noise, followed by another lower sounding one. What was going ...wait. Oh my god was that moaning? Nope. Not dealing with this right now.

I flew down the stairs, just as quickly as I had flown up them before. I sprinted out the door, not pausing to look back. Thank you Trina, I am now scared for life. I took a page out of Cat's book and pushed down any memories I had from the past half hour. Focus. You need to get back to Cat.

* * *

When I walked through the door Cat was pacing, looking even more anxious then when I left.

"Cat," I said softly, "I thought I told you to get some sleep."

"I couldn't, and you were gone for awhile so I got scared that something happened to you. I called like 12 times."

She did? I hastily checked my phone. Oh, she was right. I guess I didn't notice between driving and Trina and Rick/Dick-

TORI STOP THINKING ABOUT THAT RIGHT NOW YOUNG LADY.

"Uhh, sorry. I was um… a little distracted. Long story, and not really important anyways. What is important is that I got these."

I fished the three pregnancy tests out of my purse.

"Are you ready?" I asked her cautiously.

"No. I don't think I ever will be."

"They say the anticipation is the worst part."

"I know. But I guess no matter what happens I'll be okay as long as I have you with me."

I smiled warmly at her, and enveloped her into a hug.

"I'm scared." It was barely a whisper, chocked out on the edge of a breath. Finding her voice, she declared a little stronger, "God I'm so scared. I'm scared that the results will be positive. I'm scared what Danny might do if he ever found out. I'm scared because I'm messed up Tori. How can I take care of a child if I continually have these breakdowns? I'm scared that I'm going to mess this up, because this might not be about me anymore. I'm scared because we are 17 year old kids. And I'm scared I'm might lose you."

"You'll never lose me. I'm a little harder to shake then that Red." I pulled back slightly, once again stuck on the right words to say. Nothing came to mind. So I just went for the one thing she needed to hear the most: the truth.

"I'm scared too. Cat you're amazing. If you end up having this baby, he or she will be the luckiest child to ever live, because they'll have you as a mom." That was something I was certain of.

"Or if you don't want to keep the child then I'll support you no matter what you choose. Adoption, abortion… whatever. I'll be there. I don't know how to make this okay. I'm scared that having me by your side is the worst possible thing for you and this baby, because I don't know if I can be the person that the two of you will need. But if you want me to be here then I will. Right now we don't know what's going to happen. Very soon there might be three little minus signs staring at you. This could all be little heart attack we got through together. I just want you to remember something okay? Remember how far you've come, not just how far you have to go. I know you're not where you want to be, but neither are you where you used to be."

"O-okay. Thanks Tor." She brought me back in for an additional hug, and my stomach made another unmistakable flip flop.

She let go, gently taking the pregnancy tests out of my grasp.

Giving me a small and unsteady smile, she turned and walked out into the hall and down the bathroom.

I knew I should have felt anxious, nervous, apprehensive, scared, all of the above, but I didn't. Something had finally clicked, and I felt a peaceful serenity wash over me.

I walked out towards the bathroom, and slide down the wall.

All the doubts from earlier were drowned out from this unmistakable certainty. Cat meant everything to me. She always had. I don't know why it took a tragedy for me to finally see it. All those long nights holding her, it was there all along, but I was blind to it. Now there was nothing but clarity. I like Cat. Sure things were complicated now, but let's be serious, it would have been complicated no matter when I figured these feelings out. I don't know if Cat would ever return my feelings. But I was okay with that.

She's the air I would die to breath.

Right now I was at peace with myself. The person I was isn't good enough anymore. This paradoxical girl, both so strong and delicate, needed me to be more. Whatever happens, happens. No matter what I was going to be here for her. And that thought had a sense of finality to it.

Cat creeped out of the bathroom. She had her phone in her hand, a timer ticking down every second. Unlike me she was a nervous wretch. 4 minutes and 48 seconds to go. I reached out my arms to her, offering yet another hug. She collapsed into my embrace thankfully.

We didn't speak. I felt her breath tickle the crook my neck and her ribs rose and fell in time with every click that counted down yet another second. Tick tock. The timer dragged out for what felt like forever. We just sat there. And we waited.

When the timer finally went off Cat jumped slightly against me. She quickly silenced her phone and stood up. She looked back down at me uncertainly. "I don't think I can do this alone."

I knew that she meant more than walking into the bathroom alone. And she wouldn't have to. "I'll be by your side. Always." I stood up and she smiled at me gratefully. We walked into the door side by side, our hands intertwined.

Together we looked down at the three identical plus signs staring straight back at us.

* * *

So. Cat's pregnant. Uh oh. Rough times are ahead, just like any other good teenage angst-filled story. And everyone loves a little angst, because after all, you wouldn't be here if you didn't! Am I right or am I right?

Oh. So I'm wrong. You're not here for that. You're here for the... what? The free cupcakes? I wasn't informed of this... I'm sorry I'm such a disappointment.

Also review. Because reviews can be almost as elusive as Waldo. HELP ME FIND WALDO, AND TOGETHER WE'LL BRING WORLD PEACE.

That was a lie. But a review will make me smile and make me feel all warm and fuzzy on the inside. You, yes you, the one with the the face and the eyes, could have that effect on me. Don't you want to have that effect on me? Thought so.

Love all of you 3


	8. Chapter 8

**I always forget to say important things up here that I know I'm supposed to. Whoops. So the last two chapters have been in Tori's POV and that's to make up for the fact that Cat had two POV chapters in a row. So yay now everyone is even! I'll be bouncing back and forth between Cat and Tori every chapter from now on. UNLESS I CHANGE MY MIND AGAIN. Because I'm a girl. And girls do that kind of thing. Bear with me people.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Victorious, nor red velvet cupcake colored hair, nor high cheek bones. But boy if I did I would be the happiest girl in the world!**

* * *

Cat POV

All I wanted to do was curl up in a ball. To let my knees slam into the floor and have some half strangled sound come out my throat.

But I didn't.

I just stared at those three plus signs glowering right back at me. I was hoping that if I looked at them long enough they would change, a sign from the universe that this was all some sort of sick joke. But even in my shocked state I knew that wasn't going to happen.

I think Tori had started to say something at some point but I just couldn't focus. Usually her voice brought me comfort but right now it barely tugged at the edge of my attention. Those plus signs and the weight behind them took up all of my focus.

I'm going to have a baby. The thought terrified me. What am I going to do? Abortion?

No. I could never do that, not even if this child's father was that monster.

Adoption? Maybe… but I had seen all those movies about adoptions gone horribly wrong and how was I going to know if the child was going to be safe and happy?

Should I keep it? Whether this had been planned or not, this child was now my responsibility, even if I might not be able to handle it. I would be a single mother, and oh my god what were my parents going to say? And what about the rest of the school? No one knew about the rape except Tori. The rumors would be vicious... But then again would it be any better if they knew the truth? I hate pity. That terrible thing that happens to someone becomes more important than the actual person. Yes I was raped. Yes I am pregnant. But I'm still the same girl who likes red velvet cupcakes, singing, and bibble. Would anybody remember me as that girl?

Tori once told me that I could let something tragic destroy me, define me, or strengthen me.

Pity defines. I want to be strengthened.

I felt a tug at my arm. I broke out my hypnotic trance and the dim roar in my ears finally began to clear out.

"Cat your eyes are all glazed over, and you seem really spacy. I know this must be a lot to take in. Are you okay?"

The feeling of hopeless washed over me. I did the only sensible thing I could think of- I burst into tears. Feeling Tori's arms wrapped around me helped calm me a little, but I just didn't know what to do.

Eventually we went back to bed. Tori still held me tight against her. There was nowhere else I'd rather be. Tori had stuck by me through everything that's happened, and it felt almost right for her to be the person comforting me right now. Unfair of me to put her in this situation for the umpteenth time, but still right in a twisted way.

Eventually the sobs subdued to tears, which subsided into hiccups. The whole time Tori stayed up with me, gently stroking my hair line, and tucking any stray hairs soothingly behind my ear. She hummed a song I didn't recognize, her eyes trained thoughtfully on me. I think she was searching for any sigh that I was going to lose it again. I was scared I might, because all I could think of was how everything was going to change. There was this heavy weight dragging me down. I wished I had a word for it, for that a cold feeling you get deep down inside. When you know something is going to change you, and you don't want it to, but you can't stop it. And you know, that there will now be a before and an after, a was and will be. And you know that you will never again be the same person you were.

I hoped the change would be for the better.

* * *

DUH DUH DUH DUH!

I quickly hit the off button on the alarm clock. Sleepiness tugged at my eyes and my body begged for just a few more minutes of sleep. That feeling was normal, but today it magnified tenfold in intensity. I was exhausted and emotionally drained.

Unlike every other morning this week Tori was already awake. It looked like she hadn't slept at all, there were bags under her eyes and her hair was in knots from tossing and turning all night. I felt guilt course through me. It was all my fault that she looked that like that. My tiredness demanded to be felt, so I shut my eyes for just another minute.

Just like last night she was staring at me intently, I could feel it boring into me. I don't think I'll ever get used to that beat my heart misses when I feel her eyes trained so attentively on me, like I'm the only thing she sees in this world. I sent a firm reminder to myself to not think that way right now. Tori seemed oblivious to my struggle to ignore her. When she saw my eyes flutter open for a second time she smiled down at me. I couldn't help but return a tentative smile back to her. Tori asked me gently, "Do you think you'll be up to going to school today?"

My body told me no. My head told me no. My heart told me no. Every single cell in my body screamed no. But there was some small defiant part of me, yelling at the rest of my body that skipping school is letting Danny win.

It made sense to me, after all, it was only one day until the weekend. I could pull through a couple hours of school, right?

I hope so.

"Yes."

"Okay." She reached out to me, cupping my cheek gently. Her palm was smooth and warm and it sent shivers down my spine. "You're going to be great today."

I felt my heart beat faster and my cheeks stain red. With her hand connected to my cheek I didn't feel afraid for the first time since the pregnancy test results. I reveled in the feeling. Tori relinquished her hand from my cheek way too soon, and I thought I saw a conflicted look pass over her face. But it was gone in a second, and I was sure I had made a mistake. She sat up and her easy smile shone down on me.

"You can have first shower. I'll make breakfast. Those eggs aren't going to burn themselves!"

Once I got to school I realized how hard this day was going to be. I felt like every passing glance was really someone staring daggers through me, whispering "I know your secret." I held my books tight to my chest, irrationally convinced that my stomach looked bigger than normal. There was a blush as red as my hair on the back of my neck and I let my hair down from the bun I tied it in this morning so no one would notice.

I avoided my friends even more than I normally had this past week. I think they had started to notice how off I was acting, despites Tori's constant distractions and dismissals.

"She's tired."

"Bad math quiz."

"Her brother ate Mr. Purple."

"Oh my god is that a squirrel riding an electric scooter?"

Even I had perked up to see that. But sadly, she made that one up. Sigh. Despite being a talented actress, I was terrible at lying to people I care about, and today I didn't think I was going to be able to lie if it came down to that. My strategy was to avoid the gang because if I didn't see them then I wouldn't have to lie.

I felt dread when I walked out of my thired period class because I knew I had lunch next. Tori met me, and I was already forming an excuse to head off to the black box theatre for lunch when I saw a furious Jade storming over to us.

"What did you do to her?" I whispered nervously.

"Nothing, I swear!"

"Well that nothing must of made her really angry, you better run."

"I'm not scared of her." She declared, but her slightly tremulous hands gave her true feelings away.

When Jade closed the distance between us Tori instinctively flinched. Just I became resolved that I would defend Tori if it came to it, Jade grabbed me by my shoulders instead.

"We're going to have a talk right this very instant." Jade snarled.

A surprised Tori tried to muscle her way in between us but Jade just pushed her to the side lazily. Tori crashed to the floor, a look of embarrassment and indignation flashing across her features. She scrambled back up on her feet, while Jade sneered at her the whole time.

Adding insult to injury Jade taunted, "Really Vega? Pathetic attempt."

Jade jumped straight into her classic Tori Southern Belle impersonation. "Why I'm such a sweet girl I could never eva hurt a fly, but I'm gunna stand up to the big bad wolf the bestest I can because she's gunna yell at my friend."

She's going to yell at me? Chizz.

Tori opened her mouth once again, probably to say, "I do not talk like that!" I swear half of our group's fights always sound the same. I thought I'd defuse the situation before it turned into something big.

"Tori. It's okay. I'll live." Jade simply smirked in satisfaction, still holding on tightly to my shoulders.

"You heard her. Split Vega."

"Wait! If I don't come back by the end of lunch, call the police and say I've been kidnapped!" I desperately added.

Tori had regained her composure by now, and I saw a devious look in her eyes."Fine. I'll leave you two alone. Just one condition."

"There are no conditions Veg-"

"One condition. Give me your scissors."

Jade stood still for a moment. Then she rolled her eyes and grumbled in response. The Goth pulled a pair out of her knee length black boots and handed them to Tori.

"Happy?"

"No. I said scissors, plural. Meaning all of them."

Jade gave her a hard stare and a cruel sneer. "I don't LIKE you Vega."

But Tori stood resilient in the face of her tormentor. "I know."

Grumbling once again, Jade dragged a pair from out her pocket, grabbed one tucked into the waistband of her jeans, snatched three pairs from her backpack, pulled one from up her sleeve and when she pulled the last pair from her bra I blushed in embarrassment. So did Tori.

"There. Happy now?" Tori nodded taking them, eyeing the scissor that came out of Jade's bra with a little bit of alarm.

"Good. C'mon Cat."

I squeaked in fright. I hope she wasn't going to hurt me…

Jade practically dragged me to the janitor's closet, yelling, "What are you looking at?" to any pass byers that glanced our way. I felt even more visible then this morning. I knew Jade was just being Jade but she was making me feel so uneasy right now. I was used to being threatened by her, but after the rape I had become so much more sensitive. Her tight grip and the feeling of having no control was starting to get to me.

When we made it to the janitor's closest she let the door slam behind us. Darkness engulfed us and Jade didn't even bother to turn the light on. She pushed me against the wall, and with her body pushing against mine in that dark, closed off space I began to panic. Flashbacks assaulted me. Danny was in the room, those were his hands pinning mine not Jade's, he's hurting me, and I can't breathe…

My breaths come in gasps. I was trying to tell Jade to let go of me but I couldn't find my voice. I felt a fresh pain in my side and I hear him whisper the word "slut" in my ear. Jade didn't seem to be understanding what was going on, and she gave me a confused and slightly condensing look.

"STOP! LET GO OF ME!" I finally found my voice.

Jade eyes widen in surprise and she let go of me roughly. She turned on the light and I see it's her not Danny anymore. Feeling weak I slid to the floor and curled my arms around my legs, burying my face into the crook of my elbow.

"Jesus Cat I was barely touching you, you know I'm not actually going to hurt you right?"

I knew that. But Danny would. He already did. He was gone but I would never get rid of him.

I stared at the darkness of my back of my closed eye lids, waiting for more of Jade's venom. Why does she have to pick on me today of all days? Can't she just get mad at Beck for just looking in some random girl's direction? Most of the time Jade didn't yell at me as much as everyone else in our group, but she had her moments where she was angry at everyone and I was just another causality. I can't remember the last time she was angry specifically at me, and today was the worst day to start.

I didn't answer Jade and my silence filled up the small space.

"Ugh, fine Cat. You're so dramatic sometimes." I could practically hear her eye roll. "I didn't mean to scare you."

That was as close to an apology as Jade gets.

"It's okay." My voice came out raw and ragged. But it wasn't really okay. I knew that I was talking to Jade but I felt like Danny was going to step out of the shadows at any second.

"What did you even want to talk to me about in the first place?" I mumbled into my arm.

Jade scuffed her shoe against the closet floor. "Well…you've been acting strange all week. I haven't heard even a single story about your brother so far. Which I am not complaining about by the way, but still, you usually tell about three a day. And now you're even more spacey than normal, and I know you've been avoiding us. Something's up. You need to tell me. Now."

I felt so helpless. Telling my story was hard enough the first time, I didn't think I could do it again.

I was silent.

"Cat. Tell me." He voice came out slow and methodical, which was much more terrifying then a yelling Jade.

I tried to speak, but recounting my attack the day after I find out I'm pregnant, and moments after I have a vivid flashback? Impossible. I want to tell Jade, to not let this deep rooted fear overwhelm me anymore. But it wasn't that simple.

I half heard, half felt Jade slide down the wall next to me. This time when her voice came out it was soft and caring. Jade only uses this voice around Beck, and sometimes with me when she knows something is seriously wrong. She's only ever done it twice before, once after my Poppa died, and once when I broke my arm falling from a tree in her backyard. It's the calmest I've ever seen Jade, the only time when she let's a small part of herself be vulnerable for someone else. It comforted me to know that Jade still trusted me enough to show this side of her to me.

"Cat... You can tell me, whatever it is. I just need to know you're okay." She begged.

Something clicked. That small defiant part of me that screamed at the rest of my body this morning was doing it again. "Don't let him win." It was becoming my mantra. I lifted my head up, feeling strong.

"At the party last Friday, I saw Danny. And we went upstairs and uhh, he..." I cleared my throat. "He raped me."

Jade became very tense next to me. I couldn't bear to see her expression so I buried my head back into my elbows. Good. At least I could say that without crying.

I felt gentle arms that rivaled Tori's being lightly placed around me. This brought me back to the days when Jade and I were so close. Once upon a time Jade and I were best friends. Once she started dating Beck Jade started spending more and more time with him, and we started to drift apart. When Tori moved here I started to spend a lot of time with her, I hung with her one on one a lot, doing silly things like "The Funny Nugget Show" during our weekly sleepovers. Eventually I only saw Jade at school and when our whole group hung out together. Don't get me wrong, I was still best friends with Jade but she wasn't my single best friend anymore. Tori was. But when I felt Jade's head lean against my shoulder and when I picked my own head up to rest against hers, it feels like we haven't drifted apart at all.

"I'm so sorry. Why didn't you tell me?"

I felt a twinge on guilt. Jade was right, I should have a least told her.

"I wasn't ready yet."

"Understandable." It shocked me that Jade was being so calm about this. I was expecting her to punch walls, freak out, do something very Jade-like, but she was quiet and still. It reminded me of the calm before the storm. "So Vega knows right? Is that why she was being extra unbearable this week?"

I smiled a little at the comment. "She wasn't being unbearable Jade, she was trying to protect me."

"Same thing."

I rolled my eyes.

"Yes Tori knows. She was the one who found me… after." The more I talked about this with Jade the more courage I felt build up in me. I can't do this alone, and it's unfair for me to put this all on Tori. Besides I think Jade wanted to help me, and she would even if I tried to push her away. The thought gave me comfort and I decided to trust Jade even more. She's going to find out eventually anyways. "That's not all."

I felt her tense up against me again, but her voice came out smooth as velvet. "No?"

"Umm, well I'm also… pregnant."

Jade sprang up into the air. "You're what?" She started to pace muttering. I only picked up a few words but they all sounded something like, "kill," "murder," "gun," and "scissor in the eye."

Finally she was acting more like Jade again. Though it gave me relief, it worried me a little bit. Jade was a person of action. What if she meant what she was saying?

"Jade, I know you're angry and I'm angry too. But just listen to me for a second. Going after Danny isn't going to erase what he's done, it's not going to make me not pregnant anymore."

"Yeah but beating him to a pulp is going to erase him from the face of the planet. I'm just doing the world a favor."

"Please don't. I want to get him the good way, the right way."

"And I want to put my foot so far up his ass that-"

"Jade!"

"What is this, Stockholm Syndrome? You're practically defending him!"

The words stung. Jade certainly had a lot of bite, and sometimes she lacked tact. I took a deep breath to calm myself. "I am NOT defending him. I want him to rot away in prison and rot away all over again in Hell. But I'm not going to have you get in trouble on my behalf, no matter how much you want to hurt him. This is important to me. I want to do this in my own time, when I'm ready. Please respect that."

Jade stood over me, her fists uncurling and curling. She was caught between looking like she wanted to hug me and looking like she wanted to strangle Danny. Jade was usually good at hiding her emotions, but I could see the confliction on her face, illuminated by the dull overhanging light. Was that even a flash of guilt?

Finally she huffed out, "You're right. I'm sorry for snapping at you." I smiled in relief.

"It's okay." And I meant it this time.

"But if I ever see him in person I can't promise I won't take a page out of Tori's book and spray hot cheese all over him again. Maybe I'll throw in a few good punches so he'll remember me by."

"And I can't promise that I won't join you."

She smiled at me reminiscently. "You always were a little badass."

"Maybe that's because I learned from the best."

"I'm not so sure. Remember how we met?"

"How could I forget?" I countered. "You pushed me down on the playground and stole my jump rope for me."

"And you got up, pushed me down, took it right back, and kept jump roping like it didn't even phase you. That's when I knew I liked you."

"What can I say? I liked that jump rope."

Jade laughed, her eyes twinkling.

"Hey Jade?"

"Yeah?"

"Promise me we won't drift apart again. I miss you."

"I miss you too. I promise you that we'll get better at making time for each other."

"Okay."

She offered me a hand up and I took it gratefully. The Goth pulled my thin frame up with ease. When she let go of my hand only to rest it on my shoulder.

"Are you going to be okay?"

"Yeah, I think so." I felt so great to have Jade back my corner. Telling Jade was the right choice. I knew I wouldn't get pity from her and I didn't want it. She was one of the only people who was still going to treat me to same. I was so grateful to her for that.

She pulled me in for a hug and I responded back enthusiastically. When we finally let go I was smiling so hard my cheeks hurt.

The bell went off.

"C'mon we're going to be late to class." I said, still smiling.

"Wait Cat." She grabbed me by my wrist, but it wasn't harsh, only firm.

"If you tell anyone, especially Vega, that I hugged you or said any mushy shit, I will-"

But I didn't let her finish the threat. "Your secret's safe with me Jadey."

"And if you call me Jadey one more time I swear to God…"

But I had already walked out on her. An anxious Tori awaited me, and I flashed her a mega-watt smile.

Jade pushed the door, and when she saw Tori waiting for me she rolled her eyes so hard that is was practically a head roll. I giggled. She looked like a bobble head!

"WHAT Vega? Did you think I was going to kill her or something? God you need to mind your own business for once… and I want my scissors back! Mama feels lonely without them." Jade practically cooed.

Looking flustered Tori fumbled for the scissors and handed them back over to Jade. Jade put all the scissors back into their various places, and just when she started to stuff the scissors back into her bra Beck walked up, running his fingers through his hair.

He stopped curiously, eyeing Jade. "Why did you take Black Iron out of your bra?"

Tori burst out laughing, glancing from Jade to Beck to back to Jade. "You name your scissors?"

"Yes I do. Got a problem with that Vega?" Jade stepped in dangerous close to Tori and Tori took a step back.

"Uhh, no. The name is um… it's suiting." Tori stuttered out.

"Damn right it is." Jade seemed satisfied for a moment, but when she looked away from Tori she wore a bored expression on her face. Then her eyes lit up mischievously when she glanced at Beck, who was acting as laid back as ever.

"What class do you need to go next again?"

"I have a free period babe."

"Good. I don't feeling like going to scriptwriting." She stepped in closer to Beck, playing with the collar of his leather jacket. "We should go to my car, I think Black Iron wants to show you a thing or two."

Tori looked embarrassed but I was just confused. What, did her scissors want to show him how to cut in a straight line? But why would they need to go into Jade's car for that? There's not even paper there! I felt like I was missing something.

The final bell went off. Great. This is the fifth time this week I've been late.

"Bye Tori!" I yelled, feeling lighter than I had all day.

* * *

**So much friendship fluff! I couldn't help myself, Jade's character is just too irresistible to not write, she's just so... sassy.**

**Well here we are, once again. FEELING LOST BUT NOW AND THEN.**

**Uh sorry. Where were we? Oh right. Time for me to beg for reviews.**

**Why should you review? Because your favorite author will read it and you'll have that deep special bond with them that no one can break.**

**No... I meant me. Not J.K. Rowling. Duh. **

**You know, I've always wondered, do you think that J.K Rowling writes Harry Potter fanfiction anonymously in her free time? How awesome would that be? Do any authors do that?**

**What if I'm Dan Schneider writing this to you right now? The world may never know. But you might want to review, just in case. **

**One more thing! I know I usually take about a week to a week and a half to update, but I'm going on vacation for the next two weeks to somewhere that I won't have any access to electronics. I'll probably die of withdrawal. I'm a slave to 21st century, what can I say? My next chapter will probably take another two, two and a half weeks tops. I'm sorry! And if you don't like that well why don't you just tell me in a lovely review? Just G-rated language, I know my story is rated M but cut a girl some slack.**

**DAMN IT I BLEW MY COVER. I'M NOT DAN SCHNEIDER OKAY? Then again I did blow it my author's note at the top, and again in my disclaimer... **

**There is no hope for me. **


	9. Chapter 9

**Disclaimer: So I tried to sell my soul to the devil for the rights to Victorious, but he wouldn't go for it. Apparently, "One soul isn't worth the price of Victorious." That cheap bastard I HAVE A SOUL OF GOLD MR. SATAN. YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU'RE MISSING OUT ON. So yeah. Still don't own it.**

* * *

Tori POV

"Hey Tori-o!"

Great. That nickname Cat had called me in the car had started to catch on with the rest of our group. I had lost Andre to the dark side. Or rather the cookie side.

I tried to keep the sigh out of my voice when I answered, "Hey Andre!"

"Whatcha doing tonight?"

"Sikowitz's homework."

"Aww chiz, don't remind me. That homework is wacked."

"Tell me about it!"

Sikowitz had wanted us to read an Act from a Shakespeare play over the weekend, so we could discuss character foils in class. We were each assigned a different play, and somehow I got stuck with _Macbeth_. I barely understood a word of it, and all I knew was that Macbeth tried to kill someone who was the king so he could become king, and his evil wife Lady Macbeth is the one who convinces him to go through with the murder. And then a lot of people die. After that it was all lost on me. And I only understood that much of the play because of my good friend Google. Thank you modern technology.

I was on the couch, my legs tucked under me with my feet resting lazily to my side. Somehow Cat had fallen asleep lying on my ankles. I couldn't imagine how that was comfy. We had moved back to my house for the weekend, because Cat thought it was only fair since we had spent most of the week at her house. I accepted, partly because I missed my house and partly because I wanted to make sure Trina hadn't destroyed anything. Much to my surprise and my relief, she hadn't.

Andre interrupted my thoughts. "So do you want to come to Nozu's with all of us tonight? And can you call Cat? She's not picking up!"

"That's because she's curled up like a kitten sleeping on my leg." Sometimes the name Cat just suited her so well...

"Oh okay, well invite her when she wakes up! Also I'll going to be bringing this girl-"

I quickly interrupted him. "OOOOOOHHHHH. Andre's got a girl, Andre's got a girl!"

"Oh shush you."

"Don't worry I'm totally going to scope her out, make sure she's not like that one terrible girlfriend you had."

"Girl why do have to be reminding me of her?"

"Sorry! Well we'll definitely be there."

"Awesome. See you at seven!"

"See ya!"

I smiled looking over towards Cat sleeping peacefully, excited about our plans tonight. But I promised myself I would get through this Act tonight… I dove back into the play, trying to get at least some work done tonight. I read the next line carefully.

""Letting 'I dare not" wait upon 'I would,'

Like the poor cat i' the adage."

What the hell was that supposed to mean? I threw the book in frustration. This is why I wanted to be a pop star. Everyone can understand when someone is saying, "We are never ever ever getting back together." Why can't our homework be reading some T-Swift? I can handle that! Grumbling I put homework out of my mind and woke Cat so we could get ready for tonight.

* * *

Cat and I walked into Nozu's arm in arm. We spotted some of the gang already at a table and Cat waved excitedly.

"Tori! Little Red!"

I whirled around to see Andre and a girl I don't recognize walking through the door behind us. The girl was a touch taller than Cat, with a caramel complexion. She was thin, and her almond colored hair was side parted. It tumbled down in curls to her waist. She was smiling at me and Cat, showing off her white teeth. Even though Andre called out to us he couldn't seem to take his eyes off of her.

The two of them strode up to us.

"Hey guys! So this is Ava. Ava this is Tori and Cat."

"Nice to meet you guys!" Ava said warmly.

"Do you go to Hollywood Arts? I haven't seen you around!" Cat inquired.

"No, I'm a junior at Northridge."

There was a beat of silence.

"Oh well uh that's great!" I reply awkwardly.

She just laughed lightly. "Not really. I saw that look. I don't get a lot of the girls I go to school with. But don't worry, we're not all bad!"

And I believed her. This girl looked so...nice. Weird. I never would have thought that I would have thought the word nice about a Northridge girl.

"So how did you two meet?" I asked her.

"Well my brother and I went to that awesome party Andre had last Friday-"

I felt Cat stiffen besides me. I squeezed her arm tighter, trying to give her some moral support.

"And I met Andre and we had a pretty good time together!" Ava finished.

"Well I'm glad you two hit it off so well!" I replied, but I was watching Cat out of the corner of my eye.

Cat seemed to have relaxed besides me once the subject of the party was dropped and she piped up, "So sushi anyone? I'm starving!"

We all said our various agreements and we sat down where Robbie, Rex, Beck, and Jade were waiting for us.

Ava seemed to make a good impression on everyone, expect perhaps Jade. I couldn't tell, Jade was good at being unreadable when she wanted to be. Jade seemed impassive but she didn't throw scissors at the girl so... Good sign I guess?

Our group fell into our normal and somewhat quirky conversation. Andre seemed to light up next to this girl. I was glad, Andre never seemed to have good luck with girlfriends. Cat was talking to him excitedly about a song the two of them were writing for Songwriting 101. She sat across from me, with Jade next to her. I noticed Jade was watching Cat almost protectively as she chatted away with Andre. Curiosity consumed me for a moment. What did they talk about in that closet?

Robbie sat to Cat's left. He kept stealing glances at her and tried to engage her in a conversation several times, to which Cat responded, but without much enthusiasm.

"So Cat, wanna play pirates sometime?"

"No, thanks though."

"Why not?"

"I already told you I don't like the way you play pirates!"

"C'mon you'll warm up to it!"

"No, I don't want to."

"Ha ha the girl doesn't want to spend time with you, maybe because you're such a dork. He took a bubble bath before we got here." Rex jeered.

"Shut up Rex! Besides, I know Cat wants to hang out with me, right Cat?" He asked touching her arm. Cat instinctively leaned away from him, her eyes wide and fearful.

I felt a flash of anger run through me. I was just about to yell at him, but before I could Jade interjected. "She said no Robbie, don't you know what that means?" She was staring daggers at him.

He shrunk underneath her gaze and removed his hand.

"Sorry Cat."

Cat seemed relieved, and replied, "It's kay kay!"

I felt a hot itchy feeling course through me. I should have been the one to say that to Robbie, not Jade! She just barely beat me to it, and I was annoyed. But why though? I should be glad that anyone came to Cat's rescue.

Then it hit me.

Oh my god was I jealous of Jade? I shook my head, trying to clear it. To distract myself for my jealous emotions I tuned in to the conversation next to me. Beck and Ava were having a philosophical debate.

"But have you ever seen Dead Post's Society? Carpe Diem? That's what high school is about. Being your own person. Fighting the system, and breaking down the barriers of conformity." Beck declared, a half smile gracing his features. Beck loved having these kinds of talks, you could tell by the way his eyes lit up.

"That's true, but no matter what you do in life, there will be an aspect in which you will have to conform. You shouldn't just not conform for the sake of not conforming. Choose what you want in life because you want it, don't even let the system be a factor when you make a decision. And only then will independence from the system will follow. Some things are popular for a reason. Why miss out on them because you're too busy trying to beat the system? Besides I think you're overlooking something."

"What?"

"There's comfort in conformity."

Beck stopped and stared at Ava. That half smirk fell from his face and his mouth hung slightly open. He blinked twice. For once he was at a loss for words. He broke out of his trace and laughed warmly. "I can't believe you beat me in a philosophical debate! I know you don't know this but that's sort of my thing!"

Turning to Andre he announced, "I like her!"

"Oh you do, do you?" Jade snapped at him. I didn't realize she was listening in too.

"Jade you know that's not what I meant." Beck replied.

"Well it sure sounded like it!" Jade stood to her feet angrily, and left the table with a heavy huff. Beck rolled his eyes, dropped his napkin on the table, and left to pursue after his jealous girlfriend. Ava looked around at us confused and slightly dismayed.

"Should I go apologize to Jade? I didn't mean to upset her…"

"Nahh it's okay girl. That happens a lot between the two of them. They always make up." Andre soothed, putting his arm around her. They shared a grin and Andre didn't pull his arm away.

A male voice came on the overhead speakers."Yo yo yo everybody welcome to dance night! I'm DJ Smooth-E, and I will be dropping the beats for you all tonight, so I want to see some bodies on the dance floor!"

The whole resturat clapped and Rex let out a loud whoop.

Looking around I saw tall man with large headhones hanging around his next at the microphone on the small stage set up by the front door of the restaurant.

I turned to Andre and exclaimed excitedly, "I didn't know tonight was dance night!"

"Neither did I." He replied as a song started up. "But I'm down. Wanna dance Ava?"

"Definitely!" She replied enthusiastically.

The couple left the table, laughing the whole way. I saw Robbie look hopefully towards Cat, but before he could say anything I cut him off.

"Cat! Let's dance!" I yelled over the music.

"Okay!" She squeaked back.

I grabbed her hand and together we moved towards the dance floor. I felt bad for stealing Cat away from Robbie, but there was no way I was going to let him get between me and Cat right now.

Cat start fisting bumping and soon we were swaying our hips and jumping around to the beat, goofy smiles plastered on our faces. Soon a grinning Jade and Beck made their way towards us. They had obviously made up and they looked extremely happy as we all danced together. When Beck grabbed my hand and spun me around I thought Jade was going to actually kill me, but she didn't even bat an eye. After a few songs the DJ yelled into the microphone, "Alright time to slow it down, I want to see everyone on the floor finding someone to dance with!"

Jade and Beck partnered off and Cat and I started to make our way off the dance floor towards our table.

But before I could make it three steps Robbie popped out of nowhere with Rex attached to him arm. The puppet declared, "Hey pretty lady, I know you wanna dance with all this."

I didn't know what to say because how are you supposed to reject a puppet? I fumbled awkwardly, "Well…umm…"

"Sorry Rex but Tori already promised me this dance!" A disgruntled Robbie walked off and without another word Cat pulled me into her. I tensed up in surprise for a second before relaxing into her embrace.

"Thank you," I whispered into her ear as I wrapped my arms around her.

Cat giggled in response. "Well it was my turn to save you silly!"

We feel into a comfortable silence as we continued to sway. With her face only a few inches away I couldn't stop myself from staring at her.

I looked at her up turned eyebrows, the way the pink and green flashing lights danced off her, casting us both into a candy colored light. It outlined the contour of her cheeks, the lower half partly cast into a shadow. I stared at the curve of her nose, the way her strawberry lip gloss made her lips unnaturally pink. How when she smiled at me a single dimple appeared on her left cheek. I noticed, not for the first time, that her eyes were pools of clarity, big and innocent. Her long eyelashes reminded me of all the times they brushed against each other when Cat concentrated really hard.

You don't realize that you pick up on these things, all the little things her face does. After this past year with her I realized that I've memorized every feature of her face, every inch. If I closed my eyes I would be able to see her face just as clearly as I could now, with her swaying just inches away from me. I thought it was because of how much time I had spent around her but I wasn't sure anymore. I was jolted out of my trance when Cat giggled again.

"Is there something on my face?" Cat asked innocently, her eyebrows knitted together questioningly. I mentally smacked myself when I realized I had been staring at her for far too long.

"No! I just got lost in thought, that's all. Sorry." There. That was at least partly true.

"Don't worry, I definitely know the feeling." Cat replied understandingly.

We smiled at each other as the song came to close, followed rapidly by another fast paced one. I saw Cat staring at something behind me, and I looked at her quizzically.

"Well Robbie is sitting by himself at the table and I feel bad…"

"Say no more." I ran up to Robbie and dragged him onto the dance floor, only after forcing him to leave Rex there. I felt bad, but I wasn't going to go that far for him. Soon we found Beck and Jade again, who were dancing next to Andre and Ava. With all of us reunited we danced for hours, dinner forgotten on the table. Cat was happy and bubbly, laughing and stealing dances with Jade, Andre, and even Ava. Seeing her like that gave me hope that despite everything she was going to have to go through, she was going to be okay.

* * *

It was Saturday and Cat and I were on my couch again, I was still trying to figure out that annoying _Macbeth_ quote. Even Google didn't have an answer for me. After my unsuccessful search and a few more minutes of blank staring, I threw the playbook across the room for the second time that weekend.

"I give up!" I declared loudly.

"Let me see it," Cat said without looking up from her copy of _A Midnight's Summer Dream_.

I fetched her the play book and handed it to her. Cat read the quote aloud,

"Letting 'I dare not' wait upon 'I would,'

Like the poor cat i' the adage."

She started to muse aloud. "Well, I think Lady Macbeth is asking Macbeth if he's going to go after what he wants, or not. Is he going to do what needs to be done to become king or just daydream about the reward, without taking action to make it happen? The adage is the Latin word for proverb, so I think it's referring to "The cat would like to eat a fish, but doesn't want to get her feet wet."

I stared at Cat in awe.

She gave a light chuckle. "Well it won't be a problem because don't like to eat fish and I like my feet dry!"

Wait what. How did she jump from explaining Shakespeare to me, to talking about not liking fish? She just switched between those two so fast! I couldn't keep up. The back and forth made me dizzy.

"Ugh my head hurts," I said wearily.

"What's that supposed to mean?!"

I looked at her startled, "Well I just meant... The play is confusing and I…"

But I stopped when I noticed the coy grin on her face.

"Gotcha." she smirked evilly.

"Caterina Valentine, why do you feel the need to mess with my already confused head? Where did you learn to do that anyways?"

Cat plucked at the gem of her shirt, nonplussed. "Jade," she stated simply.

I couldn't help the laugh that escaped me. "I don't doubt that."

She went back to reading and I looked at my own playbook warily. "I'm done this for today." I announced. I couldn't get through another word, even if I tried.

"You only read a quote." Cat replied.

"I only read a quote but I actually understood it thanks to you. Trust me, that's the most progress I've made so far."

Cat rolled her eyes at me but let it go. "Okay let's do something," she said standing up quickly.

"Whoa." She said, her hand grabbing her head. She sat back down on the couch, the other arm clutching at the arm rest, her body pitched slightly forward. Her brown eyes were unfocused and skittering.

I rushed over to her. "You okay?"

"Yay, I just got really dizzy. That was weird." She let go of the arm rest and I could see the small half crescent moon imprints her nails made on the couch. I took the opportunity to grab onto her now free hand.

"It's probably just the baby," I said, aiming to calm her.

"Oh." She seemed shocked by that, like she forgot the toll the pregnancy was going to take her body.

We sat in silence for a few minutes, trying to wait out the dizziness. As soon as her eyes started to focus I tried again.

"How are you feeling now?"

"A little better, thanks." Cat replied, removing her hand from her forehead. I didn't let go of her other hand because I wanted to discuss something.

"You know Cat, you haven't told me what you want to do." I start out tentatively.

"About what?"

"About this," I stated motioning towards her stomach.

Cat bit her lip and looked towards the floor."Can we just not talk about that right now?"

But I needed to press the issue."I know it's a lot but I just want to help, and your parents will be home soon and we have to figure out what we want to tell them and-"

"I really don't want to talk about this." Cat said with a tone of finality.

"Okay," I said, letting it drop. Yet I was frustrated to no end. I had stuck with her all this time, when was she really going to let me in? Sure she had trusted me with bits and pieces, but Cat always refused my help initially, and every time she gave in to me it was with reluctance. Why won't she let me help her?

"I'm going to go make some dinner," she announced and I nodded in return. Even thought my mouth watered at the prospect of food, my mind firmly lingered on Cat. I watched her pensively as she got out the ingredients to make pasta. A ghost of a smile dance on my lips when I thought about how familiar she was with my house, so much so that she could make dinner without me telling her where anything was. When she reached for a bowl on the top shelf, her shirt rode up slightly and her stabbing scar was revealed. It made me feel slightly sick and I had to swallow my rage when I thought about how she got that scar. God I was so angry with her situation, and my frustration with her made me feel terrible.

I could never stay mad at Cat for too long, partly because of all the things she does for me. She knew I can't cook for my life, so Cat had been taking care of food for the last week without ever once complaining. Even though I was frustrated with her, it was the little things like that made me cared for her. My mind wandered to just how much I cared for her.

I know I have a crush on her. I've admitted it to myself, however begrudgingly. But don't think this is just another crush anymore.

Sometimes her childish innocence makes me smile and it's the things like how her hair looks like a sunset in the right light that makes my heart beat out of my chest. For those reasons and countless more, all I want to do is gather her up in my arms and shield her from this cruel world. But my arms could only do so much. That monster got around them. He stole my best friend from me. He twisted her and he bent her, but she didn't break. She's too strong for that. But someone as beautiful and caring as her shouldn't have to go through what she did, what he did to her.

She needs to be protected, not because she is weak, but because she too selfless to let anyone else shoulder her burden. She never acknowledges that she's human and needs help, but instead deals with her problems by pushing all her emotions down and retreating into her own head. She has no idea how badly I want to shoulder that burden for her, and God knows how much I would love her if she let me, if I could just break through her walls.

She pushes me away by blaming herself, and religiously believes she's not worth the effort as though it was some divine truth. How can she not see how much I want to, how much I need to be around her? How can someone as lovely and empathetic as her be so blind to her own needs? I want to cry out in frustration, shake her until she sees herself like I see her. But if I do that she'll just shrink back into herself, and that's the last thing I want from her.

I thought of all the countless times I had lost my patience with Cat, how many times I had snapped at her. Why am I so incredibly stupid? I do not want to add anymore chips and bruises decorating her weary complexion. I see through Cat's mask, and I'm still here. I will not sit by as she idly destroys herself, little by little, piece by piece. I vow, I swear it to the world, that I will stop it. I will save her.

Cat left the pasta on the stove and made her way back over to me.

Sitting back down next to me she pushed her hair behind her ear, gathering her thoughts before speaking.

"Look Tori, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to just cut you out like that. Thinking about the future is kinda hard for me right now. And I just really don't want you to get mixed up in this any further then you already are."

She put her hands on my knee, and she had gotten so close that the smell of strawberries engulfed me. It was so intoxicating that I could barely think straight.

"I'm not going anywhere." It came out as a shaky breath. Cat's hair was tickling my bare shoulder, which I didn't realize my shirt had slide down my arm. I made no move to fix it. The air around us was charged with electricity and Cat was biting her lip again. I couldn't stop gazing at it. Her eyes were wide and she staring at me, searching. Almost in slow motion I saw her slightly lean in towards me and it was all the incentive I needed. The next thing I knew my eyes were closing and my lips were pressed up against her's. They were so soft and gentle. I was overwhelmed by the sensation of feeling her against me. Her lips were frozen against mine, but after a moment she responded, kissing me slowly and sweetly. She rested her hands on the nape of my neck and between my shoulder blades. I cupped her cheek and kept the kiss soft and sweet.

But all too soon Cat pulled away from me. There were tears in her eyes, and her hands were shaking.

"I'm sorry, I just can't do this." Cat sobbed out. Grabbing her purse she ran out the door.

Not comprehending I just dumbly stared at the door where her retreating form had just left. My sensations were still on overload. I let my hand wander up to my lips, touching them lightly. I could still taste the strawberry lip gloss, still feel her lips so soft against mine. Behind me the smoke alarm went off, and I smelt the burnt pasta for the first time.

What did I just do?

* * *

**Uh- oh. Here I go again with the cliffhangers. I'm evil and I know it. I'm having a good muwhahaha right now. **

**Thanks for sticking with me people, I know this is a little later than normal, but vacation was amazing. I missed you guys too much to say away for too long though. So I'm back baby.**

**Baby got back.**

**I'm a sucker for song references, if you couldn't tell already.**

**So. Here's the part where I try to say something clever/funny/weird to get you all to review for me. But you know what? I'm older, wiser, and tanner now. I don't need to beg for reviews anymore. I'm above all of that now.**

**THAT WAS ALL A LIE COME BACK TO ME AND REVIEW.**

**Pretty please, with a cherry on top.**

**And hey, maybe you're thinking to yourself, well I already reviewed once, I don't need to again. I thank you for your review, but we could go on this amazing journey together, you and I, and if you review more than once, then I can see how your opinion changed, what you liked/dislike about the story... and it's never to late to start. **

**I wanna know your feels people. Let me hear them.**


	10. Chapter 10

**Hi. So please don't hate me. I know this is late, I know! I lost all access to any and all computers this past week, so I couldn't write or publish anything. But guess what? Because I love you guys I wrote and edited this entire chapter on my phone. So if my spelling /grammar is any worse than normal, then blame it on the autocorrect. The mobile site for fanfiction doesn't let you publish chapters, but somehow (and seriously, I have no idea how I did it) I got the normal site up. So that's right. I'm publishing this bad boy on my phone. Don't worry though, getting my computer back in the next couple of days. Again, I'm sorry! Love me.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Victorious, but I do own ice packs. Which are currently resting on my thumbs, because right now they kill. I guess typing out 4,000 plus words will do that to you.**

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Cat POV

I ran blindly down the street, tears blurring my vision. I got a few odd states from several passing cars, but they were barely on my radar. My mind was focused on one thing only.

Tori kissed me.

It was everything I had ever wanted at one point. But now... I didn't know. There were too many complications.

I knew the kiss was wrong. So wrong. Tori was just doing it out of pity, or she was confused about her feelings for me. I knew that. But I couldn't shake one thought out of my head. Why did it feel so right?

Tori has always been there for me. She's my rock, my safety net, my best friend. Adding girlfriend to the list? Only what I've dreamed of for this past year. But now it was so impossibly complicated that it would never work out.

I am going to have a baby. I think on some level, Tori genuinely believes she's going to be there through every step of this, but I don't think she realizes just how difficult this is going to be. How my parents might react. What if they don't support this child? I might have to rop out of Hollywood Arts and get a job so I can provide for the both us. I'm 16 and pregnant. I might as well call up MTV and audition for the show.

Going through this as my best friend is hard. Going through this as my girlfriend… Impossible. Maybee I'm jumping to conclusions. Does Tori even want to be my girlfriend? Maybe the kiss was a mistake.

I can't do this. My feelings were threatening to tear me into two. Confusion, betrayal, disbelief were pulling me down heavier then gravity, and one tiny thread of hope held me up.

The hope hurt the most. Just let me go crashing down.

I subconsciously approached a door. When I tried to open it with my keys, they didn't fit. I frowned and gave the door a little shake in frustration. Then I realized it was the wrong color, black instead of red.

Andre's house.

I froze. I should have been paying more attention. I started to back up once I realized my mistake but I heard an annoyed voice coming from the other side of the door.

"Grandma, you said bingo ended at eight, not five, and you have your own keys stop trying to break in-"

The door opened and Andre cut himself off in shock. Oh right. I must look like a mess. My mascara was probably running down my cheeks, my eyes always became red when I cried hard, and my throat turned splotchy. I wiped my nose angrily. I should have just gone home.

"Cat?" Andre looked me once over, concern etched into his brow. "Are you okay?"

"I-I shouldn't have come here, I'm sorry I have to go." I breathed out shakily and turned to walk away. Embarrassment coursed through me. The last thing I wanted was to make a scene.

"Oh no you don't," Andre replied and I felt two familiar, well defined arms wrap around me in a vice grip. "You're not going anywhere."

I half wanted to push him off of me and run away, but the other half of me wanted to succumb into his arms. His familiar smell of Old Spice and leather washed over me. I knew that smell by heart now. Andre has been one of my closest friends since pre- k, more like a big brother to me then my own brother has ever been. I wanted to trust him, but I didn't know if I could recount my story again.

Before I could make a decision, my face gave me away. More tears spilt over, my lip wavering.

Without any hesitation, Andre began to pull me inside.

"C'mon Little Red. Let's talk through this."

Andre was always so good at this stuff. He was the single most patient person I've ever met in my life. I guess that is what years of living with an insane elderly woman will do to you. That sort of responsibility would crush most people, but Andre not only persevered, he excelled.

I let Andre pull me through the front door and to his green couch.

"What's wrong?" He asked as we sat down.

I let out a half chuckle and when he looked at me questioningly I explained, "I wouldn't even know where to begin."

"Cat, you know I will never judge you for anything you tell me. I know something has been eating you up this past week. You're a wonderful actress but a terrible liar."

I sniffled in response. I knew it was true but I thought I did a better job of hiding what was going on with me. First Jade saw through me and now Andre. Did everyone notice?

Before I could stop myself and think rationally it was all spilling out, the rape, the pregnancy, my feelings for Tori, and how she kissed me. To his credit Andre didn't interrupt once, but ever since I told him about the rape he held onto the arm rest of the couch so tightly that his knuckles turned white.

When I finished my monologue, I didn't know how to feel. I last thing I wanted was for more people to know what happened to me, but at the same time I trusted Andre and knew he would support me, no matter what.

"I am so sorry Red." He pulled me into another one of his comforting hugs.

"I promise you, I'm never going to let anyone hurt you ever again," He whispered, automatically switching into big brother mode. I snuggled up closer to him, and replied, "I believe you." With Tori, Jade, and Andre looking after me, nothing would be able to touch me. The thought comforted me.

"So Tori huh?" He said, chuckling as he let go of me. "I had no idea. For how long?"

Without any hesitation I responded, "Since I first saw her."

"I thought you were bad at lying!"

"Oh shut up," I said hitting him lightly on the shoulder.

I squeaked when I heard a creak coming the coat closet, which was situated diagonally from the couch.

Andre let out a short laugh and shrugged. "Don't worry just a creak, the house is old."

But that creak seemed to sober him. "Can I speak honestly?"

I nodded in response.

"Tori has been pracitally gluded to your side since this thing happened to you. She cares about you so much, it's obvious to everyone how close you two of you are. And Tori knows what she's getting into. Nine months is a long time. Long enough to figure some things out. You should let her in and give this a chance. You're not saving her by rejecting her, you're just hurting her."

What he said rang true, but I was still uncertain. "What if this doesn't work? I don't want to lose my best friend."

"If it doesn't work then you need to trust that the two of you are close enough to be able to patch things up. And besides, you're asking the wrong question. What if this does work?"

Huh. "I hadn't thought about that."

"You know for quite a bubbly little redhead, you sure can be the glass half empty kind of girl."

"What's that supposed to mean?!" I exclaimed.

But Andre was so used to this outburst by now that he was completely unfazed, and just responded evenly, "It means you need to trust yourself more. You want this. She wants this. Don't let your doubts and fears stop you from getting it."

I sigh. "You're right. You're always so right. Thanks Andre."

"Anything for you Cat. Now go get the girl."

I tackled him into another hug. Andre always knew just what to say.

"Hey Andre, about everything I told you, can you keep that quite? The only people who know what happened is you, Tori and Jade. I haven't even told my parents yet."

"I promise girl. No one is gonna find out."

I heard another creak from the closet and frowned. "Seriously what's up with your house?"

He frowned too but then laughed it off. "Look I'll show you, there's nothing scary coming from the closet okay?"

Of course Andre would do something as silly as open a closet to make sure I felt safe.

As he was opening the closet door, he turned his head to me and announced,"And afterwards we can talk some awesome baby names. I'm thinking a little baby Andre sounds- Ava?"

Ava?! I bounce up off the couch and peered around Andre. Crouched on the floor with a poster board in one hand and a wrapped present in the other was Ava, blushing. She kept on glancing guiltily between me and Andre.

"What are you doing here?" Andre asked.

"I was going to surprise you," Ava replied meekly. "I planned to jump out when you came into the living room, but then you came in here with Cat and I didn't know what to do. So I just stayed in place and figured I was going to wait until she left. But then the next thing I know she's telling you all of these things, and Cat, I'm so sorry I didn't know what to do. I tried to cover my ears but every time I moved the closet creaked. I feel terrible. Please believe me. I'm so so incredibly sorry."

I didn't know what to say, so I just nodded.

Andre looked between me and Ava. "Why were you going to surprise me?" he asked curiously.

"Well my dad is friends with the producer of Drake and he showed him some of your songs and the producer wants to hire you to help write Drake's next single. I even made a poster and I have this present but...I didn't mean for this to happen."

Andre looked shocked, and he gasped out, "I'm going to write a song for Drake?"

Ava nodded and I heard myself squeal, "Andre that's amazing! Congratulations!"

Ava turned between me and Andre. "Are you guys mad?"

"No," I sighed. "Look Ava I know this was an accident, but now you know things about me that some of closest friends don't even know. You have to understand how important it is that no one finds out about this. If you don't tell anyone then we can forget this even happened okay?"

Ava looked relived, and bobbled her head up and down gratefully. "I promise I won't tell anyone!"

Satisfied, I took a step back. "Well I should probably go and leave you two to celebrate."

"Are you sure?" Asked Andre uncertainly. I could tell he was tron between finishing our talk and celebrating this once in a lifetime opportunity. I vowed not to ruin this moment for him.

"Yeah I'm sure. I have a girl to go get," I finished while he smiled knowingly at me.

I hoped Ava would keep her promise.

* * *

_Ding dong._

Please Tori answer the door. Please.

"Cat, hi honey!" Mrs. Vega beamed at me, standing in frame of the door. Tori is the spitting image of her, thin, tan, and Tori has her long wavy brown hair that always seems to cascade down her back.

I was itching to search Tori's house top to bottom to find her, but I pushed down my impatience to exchange pleasantries with Mrs. Vega.

"Hey Mrs. Vega! How was the Hollywood Arts Parent's Trip?"

But much to my relief, Mrs. Vega kept it short. It was obvious she was exhausted. "Excellent. I'm sure your parents will tell you all about it! Mr. Vega and I are a little bit jet lagged though, so I'm going join him upstairs to rest. Please don't hesitate to knock if you girls need anything! Tori is in her room."

"Okay, thank you so much, Mrs. Vega! I'll find her." I promised.

Even though I smiled brightly at her, I was longing to get to Tori. I practically ran up the stairs, and when I approached Tori's door my heart was pounding and my breaths were shallow. I took a deep breath, counted to three, and opened to door.

The room was completely dark. At first glance I couldn't see Tori in the dim lighting, but the second time I looked around I saw a Tori shaped lump under the covers. There were soft crying sounds coming from underneath the blankets. I cursed myself inwardly. I did that to her. I made her feel like that.

"Tori…" My breath was a whisper, like I wasn't sure whether or not I wanted to talk to her or let her be alone. My head and my heart were screaming two different things at me, like normal.

But she heard me.

"Cat?" I heard come from under the blankets. She didn't move.

"Yeah. It's me."

I turned around and closed the door. I thought of sitting on the bed and comforting her, but suddenly I felt very big and awkward and thought better of it. I swayed side to side, feeling uncomfortable. I didn't know what to do with my hands, where do I normally put them? And do I usually breathe this loud?

I couldn't think of what to say. Usually conversation flows so easily between the two of us. And when I was walking here I had thought of the perfect speech to win Tori back, to tell her how it was all a misunderstanding. But now it felt practiced and fake. I didn't know what to do, and I was painfully aware of how long the silence had stretch on. I needed to say something. But Tori beat me to it.

She peaked her head up from underneath her cocoon, and pated the spot on the bed next to her. Mascara was running down her cheeks, her hair in a halo of frizz around her head, probably from her tugging at it like she always does when she's anxious or worried. Yet she looks beautiful. She always looks so beautiful.

I sat down next to her, and she sat up so that the blankets fell down towards her lap. She opened her mouth, and then shut it uncertainly. She looked at me and then back down to her hands, which she was wringing together tightly.

"Cat you have no idea how stupid I feel. I am so so unbelievably sorry, and I shouldn't have put you in that situation-"

"Stop Tori."

She stopped wringing her hands and looked at me, an embarrassed blush staining her cheeks.

"I wanted you to kiss me."

Tori mouth made a little 'o', her face 50 shades of shocked. It was obvious that she hadn't even considered that to be a possibility.

"Tor, I care so much about you. I've had a crush on you since the first time I saw you. Why did you think I was so flustered the first time we met?"

"You've liked me? This whole time?" Tori seemed even more shocked, if possible.

Now it was my turn to blush.

"Well… yeah."

"Why didn't you tell me?" She asked

"I honestly thought that you could never return my feelings. But most importantly, I didn't want my crush to ruin our friendship. It was too important for me."

Tori smiled slightly. "Funny. That's the same reason I didn't tell you about my crush on you."

My eyes widen in shock, and mouth mirrored Tori's. "Since when?" I demanded, echoing her.

"When we were at that fancy restaurant and Robbie ordered that big bowl of caviar that he couldn't pay for, so me and Andre had to sing Tell Me That You Love Me instead. And you looked so gorgeous that night and I couldn't stop thinking about you the whole time I sang that song."

I remembered that. Tori had sung a line of the song to me, her hand reaching out to take mine momentarily. At the time I had squealed in delight, but I hadn't really thought anything of it. That was just one more thing that made me fall for Tori even harder. I couldn't believe she had felt the same way for so long.

Tori was looking at me, her eyes wide with hope. I felt so incredibly happy, but it was slightly soured when I thought about our situation. Why did it have to be so complicated now?

"Tori… this all I ever wanted for a while now."

Tori beamed at me. "Me too," she confessed.

My heart did a small flip flop, but I ignored it. I had to warn her. "But you have to consider what you're getting yourself into here. I have so much baggage. Within the next year I'm going to be having a baby. What if we are still together? What then? It's not as cut and dry and I like you, you like me anymore. Danny kissed you, which you know I've forgiven you for, but I never forgave him. And then he raped me. They guy after him left me because I didn't the right color hair. My tract record isn't great, my heart always ends up getting broken. I'm not sure if I'm ready for another relationship. If this went wrong and I lost you, I don't know how I would get through it."

"I don't care about all of that. I'm not like the other guys you've dated. And I've told you since day one that I'm sticking around. I'll be by your side when this baby happens." She swallowed hard. "Even if we aren't still together. You and I won't let our potential relationship ruin our friendship. And I can't let the possibility that this won't work out ruin the possibility that this will work. I want to try this out more than anything I've ever wanted in my life. But if you're not ready for a relationship, I completely understand. This is up to you." She rubbed my arm reassuringly, giving me a tight squeeze.

"Okay. This might be a little difficult for me, but if there is anyone I trust to help me through this it's you. I'm not going to let my fears to hold me back. I want to do… whatever this is."

"This is you and I going out on a date. Tomorrow. I may know a place or two."

"Why Victoria Vega, are you trying to sweep me off my feet?" I tease lightly.

"Maybe I am," she replies winking at me.

I giggle, but stop. "Hey Tor?"

"Yeah?"

"Can we kind of keep this to ourselves right now? I think we should figure this out kind of quietly, and I have so much to tell my parents right now. Adding the fact that I might be gay for a girl who is been in my bedroom without anyone else home hundreds of times before might be enough to kill my parents."

"Agreed." Tori responded. "we'll keep this to ourselves for right now."

I leaned forward so that our foreheads were touching. "Thank you. Do you want to know the best part about all of this?" I whispered.

"What?" Tori breathed out.

"I get to do this whenever I want to." I place my finger just under her chin, and gently tilt her head up. Closing my eyes, I leaned in and brush my lips against hers. They're so soft, and she tastes like vanilla and cinnamon. Tori put her hand on my knee as she leaned into me more, responding to my kiss. Just like the kiss only a few hours before, we keep it sweet, soft, and short. Only this time, it's short for a different, better reason. I smiled against the brunette's lips, and pulled back.

Tori is beaming at me."Uhhh yeah… That'll definitely be a plus." I noticed she hasn't moved her hand from my knee, and I don't want her to.

"So, I'll pick you up tomorrow?" asked Tori.

"Sounds perfect," I replied. "I should go, my parents will probably be home by now. I should go talk to them about… you know."

"Do you want me to go with you?" Tori questioned, concern engraved onto her face.

"No, I think I have to do this on my own."

Tori squeezed my knee. "Okay, well you know I'm always a phone call away. I don't care how late it is. Seriously. If you need me call."

"Deal. I'll be counting down the seconds until our date tomorrow."

"Me too."

We shared one last lingering kiss, and she walked me to the door. Since Trina is in the kitchen covering her face in avocado paste, much to Tori's dismay and embarrassment, we settle on a hug goodbye.

"It's going to be okay." Tori whispered in my ear. "You'll do great." I nodded against her shoulder, and reluctantly let go.

"See ya tomorrow!" I said, heading home. I prayed that things will work out with my parents just as well as they did with Tori.

* * *

When I pulled into the driveway I saw my parent's car. Though I was nervous about telling them what had happened to me, I was excited to see them. It had been much too long.

As I walked through the front door I called out, "Mom? Dad?"

I heard my mom's voice respond. "In the kitchen honey!"

As I turned the corner I saw my parents leaning against the island.

"Hey kiddo!" Dad called out good naturally.

"Hi," Mom said to me. She looked a little tired.

"Jet lagged?" I asked empathetically. Maybe I could ease them into the conversation. Start out with some lighter stuff.

"A little bit," she responded.

"And how was the trip Dad?" I asked.

"It was fine." He answered. "Did you remember to take your medication while we were gone? Because Dr. Jordan said-"

"Yes Dad, every day." I promised, inwardly rolling my eyes at him. Of course that would be the first thing he brought up.

"How was Trevor?" I inquired. I missed my brother, and I wanted to keep updated on how he was doing.

"Causing problems like normal," Mom answered, smiling slightly. "But the institution seems to be doing him good. Every time we see him he's doing a little better."

That made a pang go through my chest. I wish I was able to see the growth for myself. I hadn't seen my brother in over a year.

"Maybe sometime over the summer I could go with you guys? I promise I'll be really good and-"

"Cat we have already talked about this. The answer is no," she interrupted me sternly.

I looked down feeling dejected. But I needed to talk to them about what happened, so I pressed on. "So, umm… there have been some things that have happened while you guys were gone and I wanted to talk about it with you."

"Cat sweetie, it's late and your father and I are tired, and now is not a good time to tell us another crazy story about you and your friends. Some of which, by the way, I'm not even sure are real. How am I supposed to believe that you, your friends, and your slightly insane, coconut milk drinking teacher, got stranded in a giant cupcake float? I mean, honestly, some of the stuff you come up with… I know sometimes we go away for a stretch of time, but that doesn't mean you need to make up stories to get our attention. And I'm too tired for it tonight."

Hot anger and ignition ran through me. "I did NOT make that up Mom! The cupcake float is real! But that's beside the point. Please listen to me, this is really important."

"Well I'm sorry Caterina, but we went on this trip for you and now the two of us are very tired because of it. We do not need to be bombarded with your stories right. We are going to go to bed now."

"Mom… please…"

"Your mother said that's enough," Dad finally interjected, but not in the way I hoped. "Goodnight Caterina. We might be gone by the time you wake up tomorrow. I don't know what time we'll be back, so we'll leave you some money for take-out. "

I stood there silently. I felt so hurt. Why wouldn't they just listen to me?

The two of them walked out, and I sighed. I didn't know why I felt so upset, after all, I should have expected it by now.

Maybe the best thing to do was to follow their example and just go to bed. I could try again with them tomorrow.

Soon my teeth have been brushed, faced washed, my PJ's on. I turn off the light and look at the clock. It's only 8:01. I heard a movie on in my parent's bedroom and the sound of laughter. This was the first night I've spent without Tori since the rape. I looked to the empty spot next to me, and tried to fight back the tears. Despite my date with Tori tomorrow, I've never felt more alone.

You get five minutes, I told myself. I let the tears fall as I thought about all that had happened, and all that might happen. The future was so uncertain and so unclear right now. The baby, Danny, my parents, Tori… everything.

I debated calling Tori, but I didn't want to worry her. I left my grief consume as the sobs wracked my body. After a few minutes I looked at the clock again. It was 8:06. My time was up. I used to think that the pain would go away, and if I held out for long enough it would be like a distant memory. But now I'm not so sure. I don't think the pain ever go away, you just learn how to make room for it. I closed my eyes, shut out the noise coming from my parent's room, and willed myself to go to sleep.

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**Well, that ending was a bit melancholy. Whoops. But hey, it finally happened. You guys finally get some Cori love! Once again sorry it was late.**

**You should probably go review now. Some of the reviews for the last chapter really made me smile and smiling is what my face likes to do, so you should make it smile again. Not so subtle hint hint wink wink. And no I will not tell you which reviewers, we need to keep at least of the mystery alive. You people are already all to familiar with my song reference habit. It's not my fault I want my life to be like High School Musical! **

**WE'RE SOARING, FLYING...**

**Uh. That was embarrassing. Anyways.**

**When did it become 3:30 in the morning? **

**It's way past my bedtime.**


	11. Chapter 11

**Disclaimer: I do not own Victorious, although I do own the red Honda in the bus lane that needs to be moved immediately Miss. **

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Tori POV

Oh my god. I was so nervous. My date with Cat was today! I could hardly contain my excitement.

I had been giddy all day. Even Trina had been suspicious, which must of meant I was really obvious because we all know how self-absorbed Trina is.

Whatever. Nothing could put me out of this good mood!

Except the fact that I had no idea where to take her.

I've never had to pick where to go before. That's always been the guy job. And I wanted to do something special. A dinner and a movie didn't seem like the right move to make for our very first date. But after that… I'm lost.

What would make Cat happy?

Cat has showed me so much of herself this past week, I think it's time I show her a little bit of myself.

This date was definitely going to be a little unconventional.

I shot Cat a quick text.

_ Hey! So I'll pick you at four. Wear sneakers and comfortable clothes! :)_

I continued to get some things together when I heard a bing come from my phone.

_ Kay kay! Can't wait!_

I smiled so hard I thought my face was going to spilt in two. I was going to make this the best date ever.

* * *

I rang Cat's doorbell, anxiously waiting for her. I was dressed in my black running shorts, my tie dye Hollywood Arts T-Shirt, and my orange running shoes. I had my hair in a fishtail braid, and I had a little makeup on, because after all, this was still a date.

When Cat answered the door my heart flip-flopped.

Cat was normally dressed in skirts, bows ruffles, the very definition of girly. Usually it was those outfits that made breathing difficult and made me stare just that much longer at her. But here she was in front of me, her hair in an elegant ponytail, wearing a pink tank top, grey running shorts, white tennis shoes. And the sight of her made my breath catch in my throat. Cat looked beautiful in anything. All I wanted to do was lean forward and touch my lips to her's…

"Tori?" Cat asked slowly.

"Uhh, yeah?" I responded dreamily, still thinking about kissing her.

"Are you okay? You kinda zoned out a little."

Vega snap out of it!

"Sorry. Right. You look gorgeous." Cat blushed at that. "In this?" She responded questioningly.

"Definitely in that," I answered firmly. "You all ready to go?"

"Yup!"

"Then as one certain cartoon explorer says, 'Vamos!'"

Cat laughed at my bad Dora the Explorer reference. Ugh Vega. That's how you're going to start off this date? Staring off into space and making weird jokes? Seriously. Pull yourself together!

"Tori?"

"Yeah?"

Cat giggling slightly now. "You're doing in again."

Mental face palm. "C'mon lets go."

"Wait! Aren't you even going to give me a single clue as to where we're going?"

"Nope," I responded teasingly, "But I can promise you one thing."

"What?"

"There won't be any spicy tuna balls!"

"Good, I was worried," she answered playfully, laughing slightly.

I smiled at her, grabbed her hand and led her to my car. I was determined to make this date one to remember.

One blindfold, one 45 minute drive, and one "Tori is this really necessary", later, we had arrived at our destination. I only let Cat take her blindfold off when the car came to a complete stop. Cat gasped when I slowly peeled it off, and she giddily ran out of the car.

"Where are we?" She asked in wonderment, as I joined her outside of the car.

"Axel Woods," I replied, smiling warmly at her excitement.

Axel Woods was a park in the forest southwest of LA. It was the only forest anywhere close to the city, and not many people knew about it. My parents always took me and Trina here when we were kids.

Cat and I were parked at the top of the big hill where all the trails began at. They all led downwards to the surprise I had in mind. I left Cat to stare at the scenery around her. I could understand her wonderment, feeling it myself when I was younger. Usually there aren't that many trees in LA, let alone a whole forest.

I pulled out the backpack I had packed for this trip, and once again took Cat by the hand.

"Are you ready to go?"

Cat nodded and I started to lead her down one of the easier trails. One reason why I took her here? Even the easy trails are pretty steep, and the whole time we were clutching onto one another for support. At one point, Cat stumbled on a particularly slippery rock, and she grabbed onto me for dear life. I steadied her, but my hands lingered around her waist just a little longer than necessary. Cat just gave me a sly smile, and a happy "Thank you!"

About 20 minutes into our trek, you could hear the rustling. Cat frowned. "What is that?"

"You'll see," I responded, eyes twinkling.

At last we reached the bottom of the hill, the rustling became a roaring. Trees still blocked our view, and when I led Cat through them, for the second time she gasped.

We arrived at the Lenape River.

Lenape River was a small scale river that winded through Axel Woods. On a clear day like today the water was calm and clearer then the ocean. If you looked down you could see the rocks, long forget branches, and the occasional fish. Just to our left was an assortment of rocks covered in moss naturally stacked about three feet high to form a tiny waterfall.

"This is beautiful," Cat whispered, sinking in the scenery.

"Almost there," I responded.

We walked along the rocky riverbank, jumping from one rock to another. Several times Cat stopped to take it all in or yell out something like, "Did you see the size of that fish?"

I led her to a large rock that jutted out into the river further than any on the other rocks. This rock slanted down gradually until it met the water, which hid the last few inches of the rock from sight. On the middle of the rock someone had painted a light blue swirl, the color slightly faded from the years of wear and tear.

"This is Swirly Rock," I named proudly. "Although don't make fun of me for the name. I named it that when I was five. I found this rock when my parents took me and Trina hiking here for the first time. Trina threw a temper tantrum because she didn't have her Barbie with her, and I didn't want to hear it so I went off exploring. My parents didn't even notice. Soon, I became lost and scared that I couldn't find them. I thought we were the only ones on the river, until I saw a very old woman with white hair down to her hips sitting on this rock. I went over to her to ask her for help, but I never got around to it because I saw what she was doing. She had blue paint on her hands and she was redrawing the faded swirl. Without even looking up from what she was doing, she told me how every year she came back to this rock and redrew the swirl, to make sure it never fades away. For awhile I just watched in wonderment like children sometimes do. She then told me that she was too old to continue the tradition now, but that she was passing it on to me. I was awed by this women, and I promised to keep the tradition going. I sat with her for a while, and by the time my parents found me she was gone. I never saw her again, but I kept my promise."

Cat was silent throughout my story, looking between me, the swirl, and the landscape around us. She closed her eyes for a stretch of time, listening to the sound of my voice, matched in volume by the river stretched out in front of us.

"This has become my home away from home. Every time something is bothering me or I just need to be alone, I come here and redraw the swirl. I came here when I didn't know whether or not I should go to Hollywood Arts, and I came here after I broke Rex. I don't know why this place is so important to me, but it is. This is the one place in around here that's actually quiet."

I really hoped Cat wouldn't laugh at me for driving out here every year to paint a swirl on a random rock.

But Cat was staring at me with wide eyes. "So this rock is really important to you."

"Yes," was my simple answer.

"Does anyone else know about this?" She asked.

"No, my Mom just thinks I like to hike here."

"Oh Tori, I can't believe you brought me here!"

"You don't think it's stupid?" I asked self-consciously.

"No! I think this is amazing," she replied assuringly.

"Good, because I was kinda hoping you'd help me this year."

Cat looked ecstatic. "Do you mean it? I know how important this is to you."

Pulling the tube of paint out of my bag I responded, "And now you know how important you are to me."

Cat looked at me searchingly, and the next thing I knew she was pressing her lips against mine in a quick kiss.

Once she broke away from me she started heading towards the rock, and I followed her, my knees a little weak. That kiss, I thought to myself dreamily, was worth the whole trip.

I had set out the paints and together we repainted the swirl. Cat was up to her elbows in the paint, her tongue sticking out adorably as she concentrated to trace it just right. I grabbed the hand she was drawing with, and guided it to help steady her.

When we were finished retracing the swirl I pulled out the dinner I had packed in my backpack. Out of the corner of my eye I saw Cat stiffen when she saw the food.

"Don't worry," I responded lightly. "It's takeout."

So you had no part in the making of this food?" She asked warily.

"No. But I can't promise that no turkeys were harmed in the making of this meal," I added jokingly.

"Then gimme, I'm starving!"

But I withheld the food. "Caterina Valentine, are you saying I'm a bad cook?" I ask seriously.

"No! Its just umm… well, uhh…" She fumbled nervously.

"Gotcha," I whispered and took a hearty bit of my turkey sandwich.

Cat just rolled her eyes at me. She started to reach for her own sandwich, but instead of grabbing it, she diverted her hand at the last moment and splashed me with water.

Me and my turkey sandwich were soaked. Cat tried to contain her laughter by pressing her hand tightly against her mouth, but the more I stared at her in shock the harder her shoulders shook. Soon she was gasping for air.

"No you didn't," I stated matter of factly, and reacted like any mature adult would do.

I tackled Cat into the river.

Soon we were standing in the 3 feet deep water, splashing each other. I was laughing so hard that when Cat tackled me I accidently swallowed some water. As we came up my only response was, "Eww eww eww! I swallowed fish water!"

By the time we crawled back up on the rock we were covered in mud and dripping everwhere. Cat had a chunk of mud on her check just under her eye, where just a week ago there was a bruise left by Danny. I gently brushed the mud away, and continued to stroke Cat's cheek. Around us, the only sound was the birds chirping, the leaves rustling in the wind, and the faint roar of the river. I was so at peace here, with this amazing girl beside me.

"Did it work?" I questioned Cat.

"Did what work?" She asked, confused.

"Did I sweep you off your feet?"

Cat looked around us thoughtfully, and nodded her head. "Yeah, you did pretty good. Considered me sweeped," she added giggling.

"Good, so I get to do this now," I whispered, capturing her lips in a kiss.

It started off slow and sweet just like all of our other kisses, but soon it became more passionate and intense. Her lips molded against mine, and she tasted like the river and the ever lingering strawberries. I felt both of her hands in my hair, grasping each side of my head. Her tongue swept against my bottom lip, asking for entrance. I opened my mouth eagerly, and gave out a soft moan when I felt her tongue stroking mine. I explored her mouth, and I moved my hands from her shoulders to the small of her back. Eventually we parted lips, but our foreheads stayed connected.

Reluctantly I admitted, "We should probably start heading home. The hike back up is uphill and it'll be impossible in the dark."

"I wish we could stay here forever," Cat responded, her hands still tangled in my hair.

"Me too. But if we leave now, we'll have time to pick up some ice cream-"

Jumping up and squealing in child-like excitement, "Ooooohh ice cream, ice cream lets go!"

I just chuckled at her, and allowed myself to be dragged back up the hill where the ice cream shop resided.

Two vanilla scoops, hot fudge sauce, rainbow sprinkles, a cherry on top, on a wafer cone please," Cat finished her well-rehearsed order.

"I'll just have a scoop of chocolate chip cookie dough please," I said, sliding the cashier a ten. "That'll be for both of those orders."

"Hey!" Cat pouted. "Unfair. You're a tricky one Vega."

"Vega? Funny I don't recall asking Jade out on a date…"

"Oh ha ha you're hilarious," Cat responded sarcastically, pushing my shoulder lightly.

"Abuse!" I shouted at her. "And to think I paid for your ice cream…"

Cat giggled at our antics, and we sat down at a table outside to eat our ice cream.

We sat in silence, and I felt more content then I had in a very long time. But I noticed that as time went on, Cat became more and more fidgety.

"What's wrong Cat? Is your ice cream okay?" I asked concerned.

"No the ice cream is perfect!"

"Then what's on your mind chica?"

"Well I just wanted to ask you a question," she started out tentatively.

"Go ahead," I encouraged her.

"What are we Tori?" Cat mumbled out, blushing.

Oh. That's what was bothering her? Did she not want to do this anymore? Was the date that bad?

"Well, if it's okay with you, I would really like to be your girlfriend," I stated a little uncertainly.

Cat perked up immensely. "Oh Tori, I wouldn't like anything more."

Phew. She scared me there for a second. We beamed at each other, our spirits flying high.

"Hey girlfriend," I asked playfully, "Can you pass me a napkin?"

"Why of course I can… girlfriend." We both giggled at this, and I reached out to grab her slightly sticky hand.

"I like doing this," I declared thoughtfully, circling my thumb around one of Cat's knuckle.

"And I like you Tor. You make me feel happy, and safe."

"Then I must be doing something right. I'm so lucky to have you." I gushed.

"GAG!" I heard for behind me.

No. It's impossible, don't let it be-

"Jade?" Cat asks uncertainly.

"Oh no, please don't let me interrupt your mush fest," Jade replied sarcastically. "You and Cat seem oddly close, Vega. Care to share?"

"What are you doing here," I asked her, a little more sharply than I meant to.

"Aren't I allowed to have some ice cream? But then again, after watching that display, I may have lost my appetite for something so…sweet."

My breathing sped up until the point where I was practically having a panic attack. This could not be happening.

Cat interrupted. "Jade, can I talk to you? Over by that corner table?"

"But I'm having fun here with Vega."

"Jade. Corner table. Now."

Jade rolled her eyes but followed Cat.

I was still breathing erratically as I watched the back of Cat's and Jade's heads anxiously while the two of them talked. The minutes dragged by until they felt like hours, but when the two of them starting walking back towards me, Jade looks disgruntled and Cat winked at me. Good. That must have meant that she made some progress with Jade.

When Jade came close enough to me, she crossed her arms and huffed out something I couldn't understand.

"What was that?"

Jade looked at Cat exasperated but Cat nodded firmly. "Again Jade."

"Ugh, fine. I won't tell anyone about your and Cat's relationship."

I let out an audible sigh. "Thank you."

But Jade just took a menacing step towards me. "But let one thing be clear, Vega. I'm doing this for Cat and Cat alone. If you end up hurting her I will make your life a living hell, do you understand me?"

Cat hit Jade's arm, but Jade looked like she barely felt it. "That's not what we agreed upon Jade!" She whined.

"Close enough," Jade said, throwing on her effortless and somewhat terrifying smirk. "So I'll leave you two to your ahh… little get together."

But the smirk hardened. "Remember what I said Vega." She finished glaring at me.

As Jade stalked off, probably towards her next prey, I thought to myself dryly, Cat sat down across from me. She looked a cross between amused and exasperated. "Are you okay?" she asked.

"Yes… and no. Ugh Jade. Why does she hate me?"

"She doesn't hate you!"

I gave her a look.

"Okay well, she doesn't hate you as much as you think she does. A lot of it is for show."

"Well she's an incredible actress," I grumbled, "And are you sure she really isn't going to tell anyone about us until we are ready?"

"She wouldn't hurt me, and despite what you think, you, in that way."

I let out a frustrated huff. "And to think, we were totally having a moment before she showed up!"

Cat giggled into her hand. "You know, we are pretty cute together," she stated, winking at me.

Mock seriously, I responded, "Cat and Tori. Kicking ass and taking names."

"I wouldn't have it any other way. Hey I'm a poet and I didn't even know it!"

"But Cat that didn't even rhyme…"

Cat gave me a death glare that chilled me to my very core. It was even more terrifying then Jade's which is saying something.

I scrambled quickly, "What am I thinking? You're right, of course it totally rhymed!"

Cat let out another fit of giggles. She flicked her wrist and me and made a waa-chhh whip noise. "One date in and you're already whipped," she teased bopping my nose.

"Oh we'll see about that," I responded challenging but after a second we both burst out laughing. There was no denying it, I was totally whipped.

We finished up our ice cream and I announced, "One last stop."

We drove up the rocky path that led up to the very peak of the hill. At the top some trees were cleared away for a small dirt parking lot. It was deserted. A few feet further from the parking lot the hill dropped off into a steep incline. If you sat in the right spot, you had a perfect view for miles. Cat was so excited that she jumped out before I could even turn off the car. I followed suit and grabbed a blue and white chevron blanket from the trunk. I laid it on the hood of my car, and together we laid back, looking at the sunset.

"Who knew you were such a romantic?" Cat teased, grabbing my hand.

"Shh. It's a very well-guarded family secret." I responded laughing.

We laid in silence, soaking in the melting streaks of pink, blue, yellow and orange that colored the sky.

"Tell me something about you I don't know," I whispered.

Cat's eyebrows furrow and she puckered her lip thoughtfully. But after a moment she let out an excited Oh! and sat up.

"I can touch my foot to my ear," she declared proudly.

"No way! I want to see this."

Cat reached for her right foot, and brought it up so that her big toe just touched her earlobe. "See? Now this right here, this is a useful life skill," she joked.

I clapped enthusiastically. "I've never seen anything more impressive in my life!"

Giggling we laid back done.

"Your turn!" Cat turns to me expectantly.

"Well… I don't have any special talents like you…"

"Oh stop it you," Cat chuckles.

"But there is something you don't know about me."

"Spill."

"I'm deathly afraid of birds."

"Birds?" Cat asks quizzically.

"Birds." I confirm. "Any type. They are just so creepy and I've had a few bad experiences. This one time I was attacked by a goose when I was little. It was here actually, I ran ahead of my parents onto this big rock in the middle of the river, and my parents started yelling me to come back. When I turned to my left, there was a mom goose sitting on her eggs, and the dad goose was right next to her. I guess I threatened them so the Dad goose attacked me! My parents didn't make it in time. It was terrifying, and I have this scar because of it." I show her the small circle scar on my hand where the goose bite… well I guess beaked me.

"It's funny that you like nature so much."

"It's a love hate relationship," I said smiling and I attempted to draw back my hand when Cat grabbed onto it even tighter.

"Oh no, you're not going anywhere with this," she said hugging it close to her. "This is mine."

"Hey!" I protested, "It's my body part last time I checked."

"Well you checked wrong." She stated matter of factly, her shoulders shrugging.

"Can I please have my hand back," I pouted.

"Nope," Cat responded. "I'm taking it as a gift."

"For what?"

"For this," she murmured leaning in to capture my lips in a kiss. My hand is still tucked under her arm, and she reaches out with her free hand to cup my cheek. I press my face against it and try not to moan as she sucks on my lower lip.

She can have my hold damn arm if she wants.

Our lips made a soft sound as we parted. Around us the sunset was being replaced by stars, and I gulped at the prospect of driving down the dirt path hill that should really be called a mountain at night. "We should go," I whispered.

Cat nodded and together we gathered up the blanket and hopped back into the car. I started the car, and radio turned on to some song I don't know.

But as I drove down the path cautiously, I heard Cat start to pick up the chorus. I zoned out the lyrics as I listened to the sound of her voice, swooping over the medley easily. Her range and tone was incredible. A flash of annoyance swept over me as I thought about how few solos and lead parts Cat got. She was so talented, and deserved more.

When Cat's voice faded away, I felt almost at a lost. I stole a glance at her and I saw her sleeping soundly in the passenger seat. Cat is cute when she's awaking but a sleeping Cat? Adorable beyond all words. I stared at her for longer then I should have and oh my god tree!

I jerked the car to the left, narrowly avoiding the tree.

My heart was in my throat, my adrenaline pumping. I took one hand off the steering wheel, rubbing my shoulder where it had bounced off against the glass painfully. Ow. I thought to myself. That was a really violent turn. Oh great I probably woke Cat up…

I chanced another glance at Cat.

Out like a rock.

Her pouty lips were open slightly, and her eyelashes looked even longer than normal. And sometimes a muscle just above her left eyebrow would twitch slightly…

Snap out of it Vega. You're going to almost hit a tree again.

I settled down comfortably for the rest of the ride, testing my will every five minutes to not take a peek at Cat.

I lost every time.

When we pulled up to Cat's house I parked the car and gently shook her awake.

"Cat, we're here," I murmured.

She gave a cute little yawn that made me smile before she froze. "I slept the whole way home?" She questioned.

"Yup."

She let out a low groan. "I'm sorry Tori!"

"It's fine Cat, besides you're really cute when you're sleeping," I answered.

Cat blushed but she was still pouting. "I don't want to miss another second with you," she said shyly.

"Well… girlfriend," Cat giggles adorably as I trudged on, "This is the first of many many dates. We'll just have make up the time," I declared happily.

"Well in that case… what more can a girl ask for?" She asked, grabbing my arm and nuzzling her head into my shoulder.

I smile and rest my head on her head. After a minute of just listening to each other breath I kiss the top of her head, breathing in the smell of her shampoo. Strawberries. Why am I not surprised?

"I should probably go," Cat admitted reluctantly.

"Probably," I whispered, but instead of letting her go I gave her one last lingering kiss.

"Goodnight Cat," I breathed out as we parted.

"Goodnight Tor," she responded, smiling. I watched her hop out of the car, and gave her a little wave when she reached the doorway. Cat waved back enthusiastically, and blew me a kiss.

To tell you the truth, I couldn't tell you if I drove back home or if I floated the whole way.

* * *

**Well D'awww. I love me some pure unadulterated Cori fluff.**

**By the way, that goose attacking a small Tori story is true, it actually happened to me when I was very young. I still have the scar on my hand. You see, birds and I have this little understanding, they attack me... I run away screaming... it's great fun really.**

**You should go review now. Unless you want to be attacked by a flock of wild geese.**

**Well. That escalated quickly.**

**Actually it won't matter if you review or not because they will attack anyone and everyone. Be warned, and watch the skies.**

**Is my paranoia showing?**

**Oh it is?**

**Perfect.**


	12. Chapter 12

**Disclaimer: I do not own Victorious, but I do take full ownership and responsibility over all the feels at this story is bringing to you. Brace yourselves, angst is coming. **

* * *

Cat POV

I sat on the bathroom floor, my head resting against the cabinet door. The cool tiles usually felt good on my bare legs but today the constant cold reminded me that I simply could not get up. My face was inches from the toilet bowl, and my eyes narrowed watching it. I did not like this stupid bowl.

Morning sickness.

Is this what the next 9 months are going to be like?

I heard a knock coming the other side of the door, rattling around the echo space that bathroom always seem to have. A somewhat muffled voice spoke through the door, "Caterina, you're going to be late to school."

I open my mouth to answer but felt violently ill, and turned towards the toilet bowl instead.

Ew.

When I looked back up the door was open, and my mother towering over me, a small frown tugged at her cheeks. "What's wrong with you?" She questioned.

"I just feel really nauseous." I responded wearily.

She clucked in exasperation. "Do you need to see a doctor?"

"I think I'm fine." Definitely no doctor. How would I explain this? I'm a terrible liar. But then I thought occurred to me. Maybe I could use this situation to my advantage. This could be the moment I've been waiting for to finally tell her about everything that happened to me.

"Mom, would you be able to stay home with me for an hour or two?"

"I'm sorry Caterina but I do not have time for that, I would miss a very important meeting. In fact I barely have time for this," she replies, checking her watch.

She sighed heavily, like me being sick was a bigger burden on her than it was for me. I tried to keep my face impassive, trying not to show my disappointment and anger. But lately I've been finding it harder and harder to cope with her and dad's causal disregard of me. Maybe it wasn't so bad that I had the house to myself so frequently…

She brushed the nonexistent dirt off of her business skirt and cleared her throat."Alright fine. No school today for you. I trust that you're old enough to take care of yourself for the couple of hours your father and I will be gone. If you need anything of course you can always call me, but I'm going to be in meetings all day so I don't think I'll be able to answer you. Actually, just call your grandmother Nona, that'll be easier. And one more thing. Please try to keep these rather ahh… unpleasant symptoms contained," looking at the toilet bowl with disgust. "Feel better honey," she finished, patting my head. There was a moment of awkward silence before she turned briskly on her heels, and walked out of the bathroom. I listened to the pitter patter off her heels until they finally faded away.

I let my head fall back against the counter with a thud, the wood creaking slightly. When did we get this way? There was a time when my family was the model family, all so happy and in sync with one another. But eventually my brother had to undergo psychiatric care, and my parents had me tested too "just in case". When they found out why I day dreamed so often I had to start taking medication, and they talked to me more about my prescription than anything else. Once my brother was shipped off to the mental ward, my parent's relationship with me started to become strained and distant, and they started taking business trips and vacations without me. Eventually we just ended up like this.

Usually thinking about my deteriorated relationship with my parents would make me feel angry or upset or frustrated, but today all I felt was numb. I was as hollow and echoy as the bathroom I was sitting in. I put my head in between my knees trying to fight off the next wave of nausea, but I didn't think it had anything to do with the pregnancy this time…

An hour and a quick nap later, I finally felt better, all the traces of morning sickness gone. I decided to go in to school because I hated to just sit around all day and honestly after yesterday… my mind was stuck on Tori. She was on constant replay, the way that her caramel skin seemed to glow, that way when she did her cute little smile her cheekbones really stood out, and the way that when she spoke to me all of her concentration and focus was just on me, like I was the only thing in the whole world, even for just a moment.

Just thinking about her puts me in a better mood.

_Buzz_

I pick up my pear phone expectantly and squealed when I saw the name Tori with a smiley face pop up on my screen. I looked at the message excitedly.

_Hey Cat, why aren't you at school?_

I responded with a smile on my face.

_I was feeling sick this morning, but I'm better now. I'll be there in the next half hour! : )_

A moment later, my phone buzzes again.

_Well if you aren't feeling well you should probably get some rest!_

Aww. That's sweet of her to care. Now I want to see her even more!

_Hehe its okay Tor, I'm all better now!_

Again an instantaneous response.

_Cat… please stay home today._

I frown at her text. Was this supposed to be a weird joke? Maybe Jade stole her phone…

_I can't just skip Tori-o! I'm really fine, I promise. Please don't worry about me, and nothing you can say is going to change my mind. I'll see you soon._

_Fine. But I need to talk to you before class._

A second frown creeped on my face, but I didn't let my confusion show in my response.

_Kay kay :)_

I got as ready as quickly as possible, determined to get to school so I could get to the bottom of this.

* * *

When I pulled up to school, Jade was laying on the hood on her car, staring lazily up at the sky. Her legs were crossed at the ankle, one combat boot tapping to a song only Jade could her.

"Why are you here?" I asked her.

"Because I am," she stated simply. "Why didn't you stay home?" She asked sitting up and crossing her legs.

I questioned,"Did Tori say something to you?" Jade nodded and I just shook my head. Tori worries too much.

"So. You didn't answer my question. Why are you here?"

"Well I felt better but Tori didn't seem to believe me, and I didn't want anyone to worry."

"That's funny, I didn't know Tori changed her name to anyone," Jade said raising an eyebrow.

"Ha-ha," I reply making a face at her.

Just then Tori came walking out the double doors, onto the Asphalt Cafe. She looked around for a second and when she spotted us she practically sprinted over.

When she reaches us she turns to Jade. "Thanks for keeping an eye out."

Before I could question her, she turned to me, "Cat why are you here?"

"Why does everyone keep asking me that? I'm supposed to be here." God.

"How did you know she came out her? I didn't even text you yet." Jade looked around us and lowered her voice. "Is it a lesbian thing?" She asked us seriously, but the tiny upward twitch of her lips gave her away.

But Tori didn't catch the joke. She replied sarcastically, "Yes Jade it's a lesbian telepathy thing. We even have a secret club at school. We meet every third Thursday. Want to join?"

I covered my mouth with my hand, trying to stifle the laugh that bubbled up in me. Jade just rolled her eyes.

But the laughter dies in my throat when Tori and Jade turned to face, once again a united front.

"C'mon Cat let's skip today. I'll buy you some ice cream!"" Tori exclaimed excitedly.

"Ohhhh Ice Crea- Hey. Nice try. I'm finding out why you guys don't want me to go to school today!"

Determined I pushed them aside and started to storm off, right before a felt a vice grip wrap around my middle. I felt frustration bubble up in me and I snapped, "Really Jade? _That's_ how you're going to hold back the pregnant girl? And you Tori, you tackled me into the river yesterday like hello does no one realize I'm preggos here?"

Immediately I felt the arms go slack around me, and I turn around to see the look of shock on their faces. It's obvious that they're both mentally kicking themselves and a pang of guilt courses through me. I sighed, letting my shoulders rise and fall dramatically.

"Okay, seriously. What's going on? I know you both care about me, and you wouldn't be doing this it wasn't serious. Especially if it meant you two cooperating for once."

Tori and Jade shared a look, one which I didn't understand but they seemed to. They reached silent agreement and Jade surprisingly stepped forward to give me a hug. "I'm sorry," she whispered and without another word to Tori she strolled back to the school.

"Now I'm really confused," I stated as Tori grabbed my hand and led me to one of the vacant table. We sat down, and Tori started tugging on her hair. Uh-oh. I know that's a bad sign.

"Cat… I don't know how to say this."

"Oh my god Tor are you breaking up with me?!"

"What?! No! No. I've never been more happy," she said simply, making my heart miss a beat. I smile at her goofily, momentarily forgetting about the bad news.

"Cat… word got out."

"What?" I asked confused.

"Someone spread a rumor that you're pregnant with Danny's kid. But that person didn't fucking mention it was rape," she added bitterly.

I was speechless. Who would do that? "So I'm the school slut," I let out slowly.

"No! Not at all Cat. We know the truth and-"

"But _they_ don't!" I practically yelled, motioning towards the school.

"Do you want them to?"

"No! No. But I don't know which option is worse…"

"Screw them. This whole school can wazz off." Tori declared passionately.

I nodded in agreement. How could this be happening? Was I not even allowed 24 hours of happiness?

"So... do you still want to skip?" Tori asked me gently.

Yes. I wanted to never have to face these people who believed all the terrible lies about me. But Hollywoods Arts was the first places I've ever felt at home for a long time, and I've embraced it's quirkiness and it embraced mine. I sighed and took in the Asphalt Café. I loved this school, I really did, and I would have to face these people sometime. I'm tired of running away.

"No. Let's get this over with," I muttered, grabbing my bag and striving towards the door with a lot more confidence then I felt. I felt Tori fall into step besides me, linking her arm with mine.

"You always surprise me with how strong you are," she whispered in my ear. I leaned into her, silently thanking her. We approached the doors and I had to stop myself from gulping. I had a feeling this wasn't going to be very pretty…

Tori and I walked into a jam packed noisy hallway. Of course we had to catch everyone between classes. Everything looked normal… until people started noticing me. The loud noises were replaced by whispers and I could feel every eye clinging to me. Tori squeezed my arm again, and I took another deep breath before striving forward like nothing was wrong. We made our way towards Tori's locker where the rest of the gang was standing. Though they weren't whispering like the rest of the students, their eyes were still glued to me.

I hated this. I've always hated attention. There was a reason I mostly stuck to supporting role in the play, or backup vocals. Having everyone watch you… its intimidating. Negative attention, especially negative intention to this degree was horrifying for me. I didn't know how to deal with it. Maybe I should have skipped with Tori…

When we finally reached the circle, Jade is the first one to me."I'm proud of you," she whispered into my ear. "And I filled Beck and Robbie in, so they know everything now." I smiled gratefully at her. Telling them on top of everything else was something I didn't have the strength to do today.

.

Jade stepped away and I noticed that Robbie was missing. Weird. But I didn't have time to dwell on him before I was pulled into a lean and strong chest. Beck. We stayed like that for awhile, but surprisingly Jade didn't say anything. He pulled back a little chocked up.

"We are going to fix this for you," he declared, grabbing Jade by the hand. They spun around leaving me alone with Tori and Andre. Before I even got a minute to figure out what Beck meant by that, Andre latched onto me. His familiar scent washed over me, and his strong arms crushed me into a hug. With one arm I hug him back, while Tori claimed my hand.

"Slut," I heard from behind me, and the next thing I knew those strong arms were gone and I turned around to see Andre punching some guy I didn't recognize.

He called me that but he doesn't even know me…

Andre and the guy wrestled on the floor for a little, a crowd forming around them.

I put my hand over my mouth and freeze in place, Tori clutching my side.

"Harris! Donnelly! That's enough," The Vice Principal Mr. Henry yelled, taking Andre's collar and pulling him off the now cowering boy.

"My office now!" He yelled, grabbing the other boy's collar and lugging the two off.

The bell rang, but I didn't move, my eyes still lingering on the empty space that Andre just occupied.

Tori tugged my hand slightly, and my head snapped up.

Okay seriously, everyone needs to stop staring.

Again I felt Tori tug on my hand, and when I turn to her she smiled at me and squeezed my hand reassuringly. Honestly... I was just so tired. So weary. It's been one thing after another lately, and I couldn't help but wonder when it's going to end. Tori and my friends are the only things I have left.

"Cat, we need to go to class," Tori said gently.

I look around us, most of the crowd gone, probably heading off to their next class. Oh. It felt good not to be watched by everyone for a minute.

"C'mon, I'll walk you to lyric writing," she said pulling me forward. I snuggle up into her side, pulling strength from the one of the only places that has always been there for me.

After my two classes I get a text from Tori telling me to meet me at her locker so we could go to Nozu's for lunch. I smiled down at the text as I walked down the hallway. Escaping all the stares for awhile? Of course Tori would know exactly what to do.

I tried to keep my focus on walking straight and keeping my eyes directly on the ground in front of me, doing my best to block out the murmurs. When someone knocked into me I didn't even see it coming. I dropped my books everywhere and when I looked up I saw Robbie standing completely still. Oh thank god, a friendly face.

I got down on my knees, and started to gather up my books. But strangely Robbie didn't help me. After I had finished I stood up to talk to Robbie and was I able to finally look at him for the first time all day.

Rex was gone and so were his glasses. No wonder he had hit into me. His eyes looked red and his hands were shaking. He looked so upset, and I felt guilty. I didn't mean to cause him pain. But at the same time I couldn't believe how upset he was over what happened to me. It was nice to have a friend care so much about me.

"Maybe we should go talk somewhere," I say quietly, hoping to put him at ease.

He didn't respond, but followed me as we walked to Sikowitz's room in a somewhat uncomfortable silence. I opened the door to see the class room deserted, and the two of us walked inside until we were standing on the stage.

I began, "Robbie, I know this is hard and..."

"Why didn't you tell me," he said roughly, putting me slightly off balance.

"Well I wanted to but it was just so hard to talk about and-"

"You've changed." He stated simply.

I wanted to yell what's the supposed to mean? Of course I've changed. But I guess not telling him what happened to me myself must have really upset him, and I felt terrible. We were really close, and I did owe him that much. But accusing me was not the way to go about it.

"Of course I've changed. This is something that changes you Robbie. I'm trying my best but I was _raped _Robbie and-,"

"So?"

"So?!" I was so shocked that I didn't know what to say.

"Your first time was with Danny and not with me," he choked out. "You were supposed to be mine, we were supposed to do all that stuff together."

Oh. I didn't realize how deep this crush on me went. But calling me his, like I was some kind of property? No. I was my own person.

"I can't believe you're acting like this. And look, even if this whole situation never happened I still could never be with you. I had no idea that-"

"We kissed though!"

I had a quick flash back to the Cow Wow dance, where Robbie has kissed me at the end of Tori's and Andre's duet. But I had been so confused by my feelings about Tori at the time that I couldn't even handle the kiss, so I ran away. I still felt guilty about it, but I wasn't the only one to blame here, he didn't handle the situation very well afterwards.

"Yes we kissed. But I was confused and I didn't mean to hurt-"

"You lead me on," he shot at me accusingly.

"That's not fair!" I gasped. "Every time I tried to talk to you about the kiss afterwards you ignored me. You have to understand, I was going through something at the time-"

"Oh and you couldn't tell me that either?"

"No!"

"So you don't trust me and you never have!"

"No Robbie it wasn't like that!" I throw up my hands in exasperation. "I didn't want to hurt you." I finished softly.

"You're hurting me now."

I sighed. I didn't want to hurt anyone anymore.

"I'm gay." I say bluntly, hoping my honesty would be enough for him.

He opened his mouth, and then closed it."You're what?"

I'm... I'm gay Robbie. I have a girlfriend." I chocked out. He was the first person I had ever told either of those things aloud.

"A girlfriend? Since when?"

"Since like two days ago." I replied evenly, still holding out on hope.

But it was quickly crushed. Robbie started to laugh, but it wasn't a good kind of laugh. It was almost maniacal and I backed up until my back hit the white board, smudging some of Sikowitz's lesson plan.

"So it all makes sense now." He said taking a step closer to me.

I didn't say a word.

"The boy with the thing for blondes, all those boys at the beach when we were stuck in the RV, Danny the first time, Danny the second time, and with that track list I should just assume Andre, Beck, and hey even Sinjin because why not right?" He practically spat out the accusations.

I felt like Robbie had slapped me. I wanted to scream at him. Tell him that I was the victim here! I never wanted any of this! Half the people he mentioned I did nothing more than flirt with, some, like Andre, I had never even so much as looked at like that!

I had never seen Robbie like this and for the very first time in all the years I've know him, he was scaring me. Robbie might be self-centered at times or let Rex say mean things to me, but never has he ever legitimately frightened me before.

"Robbie, please stop. You're scaring me."

But he continued liked he didn't even hear me. "What was it Cat? Did you have too many guys and got bored so you decided to switch to girls? If you were really raped," he threw the word at me like a weapon, "would you really be with someone new in a week?"

"I-"

"No. I think you wanted to save your innocent little girl persona, the one that you let me fall so fucking hard for, so that the world wouldn't know you for who you really are. But I know. You're a slut and a whore Cat."

Everything he was saying… It hurt. It hurt so badly. I had even expected this, but only from people who didn't know me. But having Robbie say this to me? One of my best friends? The guy I wrote the bad news songs with? The guy who didn't seem to care when I drifted off into space? Never him.

"I think you're deluding yourself. You still like men. Admit it," he growls, taking another step closer to me.

I felt so trapped, so scared. But part of me was still in shock. This was Robbie! But here he was, doing all of the things I never thought he would do. This wasn't Robbie anymore. Something had gotten into him, and I couldn't snap him out of it. I didn't know what to do, so I stay frozen against the white board. I never expected what came next.

"Or better yet," he whispered taking another menacing step forward, so close that he was inches from me, "prove it."

Then he was holding me against the wall, his lips attacking mine. He was everything Tori wasn't, hard, claiming, rough, and it was happening all over again. I finally snapped out of it, and I tried to push him away but this just drove him further. He kissed me harder, more eagerly, crushing me against the board.

I struggled. I tried everything I could think of, but nothing was working. I felt disgust rise in me, mostly at Robbie but some directed at myself. Why was I never strong enough to save myself?

I felt a tear roll down my face. This could not be happening again. But I wouldn't give up. I did the only thing I could think of, and kneed him in the crotch. Robbie moaned and went slack against me, our lips disconnected. I took a desperate breath. But I was still pinned between him and the wall, and the tears started to fall faster when I realized it didn't work.

He glared at me, eyes watering, but before he could say anything something jumped on his back and all I saw was long brown hair. Tori.

"Get off of her!" She roared, pulling him down to the floor with her. They hit a stack of chairs of their way down, causing a huge band that makes me jump.

Robbie and Tori wrestle on the ground for a moment and I try to help her but before I can even take two steps forward she's won, pinning Robbie to floor.

Mr. Henry, Sikowitz, and Lane came running into the class room, eyes wide from the scene in front of them. But Tori was completely oblivious, all of her attention still on Robbie, who was now panting.

"How could you?!" she screamed at him. "You knew the truth! You knew she was raped and you still did that to her!"

"I know she loves me," he responded desperately. "She's not gay! She liked that kiss, I know it."

I shudder.

Then Tori did something I never expected and will never forget. Tori punched him square in the nose.

"Tori!" I gasped. Tori was never violent.

At the same time Robbie screeched, "I'm bleeding!"

But Mr. Henry finally interjected. "That's enough Ms. Vega," Mr. Henry declared, and Tori's head snapped up at her audience, left hand clutching her bruised right.

"Now if you could please get off Mr. Sharpino, and the three of you could kindly follow me to my office."

We fell into step behind him. Behind us Sikowitz helped Robbie up who was still clutching his nose pitifully.

When we reach the Vice Principal's office, Tori stopped in her tracks for a moment, grabbing my hand. Her eyes widen at me as I take another step. Concerned I mouthed "what?" at her. But before she can even say anything back to, it hit me so hard I jolted to a stop too.

The rape wasn't a secret anymore.

* * *

**Another cliffhanger? Why yes. I have an addiction. Poor, poor Cat. Let me just state that I do not hate this girl. In fact, Cat is one of my favorite characters on Victorious, alongside Tori of course. Arianna Grande is pretty fantastic too, like hello Yours Truly. Amazing. I'll have to find a way to include one of her songs in this story or a future story of mine...**

**But I digress.**

**So why do I put Cat through all of this? For the feels people. DA FEELS.**

**Maybe it'll work out for her.**

**But I am pretty evil so then again maybe it won't.**

**The world may never know. That is, until you finish reading the story. Then the world will know. But you get my point.**

**So school has recently started for me, so my updates will be more on the sporadic side. I'm sorry, but I also want to assure you that this story is a priority. So just please try to be patient with me people!**

**To make up for it I won't even embarrass myself this chapter begging you for reviews, though lord knows how much fun I have with it. Again my deepest condolences for your Cori lost. I'll make it up to you guys soon. :)**

**Until next time!**


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